Archives for January 2012

Jan 24 2012

Sometimes Crappy Things Happen! But what do you do with them?

Sometimes Crappy Things Happen.

Much of what goes on in life is outside our control. You might get hurt physically. Someone might treat you in a mean or spiteful way. But there’s no way to control others. Not really. You can influence others but not control them. So there’s no way to stop others from doing things that you might find hurtful. But no matter what happens, you always have free will. That means you always have the choice how you respond to the crappy things that might happen.

And there’s always a lesson to learn in everything that happens. Two people could be in the same disaster. They could both lose family members. They could both suffer crippling injuries. Yet one of them will walk away a stronger person who helps others, while the other lives the remainder of their life in self-inflicted misery.

What’s the difference?

Their attitude and perception of what happened, that’s the difference.

I know because I’ve lived on both sides of the equation. I spent the majority of my life bemoaning some crappy things that happened to me as a child, things that no person should ever go through. But that a lot of people do. It wasn’t until four years ago that I started learning I had control over my reactions. That was when I discovered that I could take any situation—self-imposed, caused by others, or totally random—and use it for my good. And that simple change in the way I approach life has allowed me to walk through things that would have leveled me emotionally in the past. It’s helped me become a resilient person who always gets back up and gets moving forward again.

You can do this too.

The secret is to approach life as a classroom. Understand that every day is a lesson. If you do something and the results are different than you’d hoped, then figure out what you must do differently and try again.

If someone does something that you feel hurt or angry about, take a step back and ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?”, “What is happening in their life that they feel compelled to treat me thus?”, and “How can I use this to become a better person?”

If something totally random happens that seems unfair or that hurts you, you can ask similar questions like, “How is this for my good?” or “Can I use this event to help others?”

Simply learning to reframe events can drastically alter the course of your life. It changes you from the victim of your life to the Hero of your future. And when you’re the Hero of your future, you can help others too. You can become a miracle in the lives of others.

That’s hard to do as a victim. Victims are too busy trying to keep themselves from drowning to help others.

So you’ve got a choice to make. Are you a victim? Or are you a Hero?

Either way…

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland Byrd

Get “Your Blueprint, Life by Design” here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004E9U8PU

Image courtesy Dr. Joseph Valks

Jan 10 2012

What Do You Do When You Feel Sorry for Yourself?

Have you ever felt sorry for yourself?

It’s OK to admit it. I’ve felt sorry for myself in the past. Most people have jumped onboard the self-pity train at least once or twice. The trick is; what do you do when you realize you’re feeling sorry for yourself?

Do you wallow and look for reason to feel even worse?

Or…

Do you figure out the root cause and seek solutions?

Wallowing in self-pity is a great way to start a downward spiral. It kills motivation, zaps energy, and opens the flood gates of depression. Feeling sorry for yourself reinforces subconscious beliefs about failure and low self-worth. In fact, if you have low self-esteem your subconscious mind is always looking for things to feel bad about. That way it can say, “See! I told you so!”

But do you think feeling sorry for yourself solves anything? Does it empower you to grow or conquer your fears?

Heck No!

Sometimes you just have to tell your subconscious mind to “SHUT UP!”

You want to do this as kindly as possible though. So instead of yelling at your subconscious when that cancerous feeling of self-pity sneaks up on you, redirect your thoughts to something positive. The best way I’ve found is to use Gratitude. Gratitude is your immunization against despair and self-pity. Gratitude is the best antibiotic ever invented for zapping those pesky self-defeating feelings that occasionally visit each of us.

“So, how do I use gratitude to beat self-pity?”

Great question!

One way is to remind yourself that it could be worse. Say you’re living out of your car—and yes I’ve done that—and you’re feeling sorry that you don’t have an apartment or house. A way to feel gratitude is to say, “I’m glad I’m able to sleep in a car instead of on the street!”

Here’s another example. Maybe you’re having trouble paying your bills and you’re feeling sorry for yourself that you aren’t bringing in the money you want. You can say, “I’m so glad I have a job!”

In both of those situations, the next step is to do something about it. Look for an apartment or a job. Feel gratitude about what you have and move your feet to make things better.

It may not feel like it at the time, but every situation has something good in it. There is always a lesson to learn or a path opened or something wonderful that can happen as a result of what you’re going through!

Gratitude is the key to discovering these.

So the next time you’re feeling sorry for yourself, take two doses of gratitude. You’ll feel better right away.

Always Remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland Byrd

Jan 08 2012

Are You too Set in Your Ways to Change?

I hear a lot of people say things like, “I’m too set in my ways to change.” or, “I’m too old to exercise.” or, “That’s just the way it is.”

Really?

Saying you’re too set in your ways to change really means; “I’m subconsciously comfortable with my life and I’m scared to change.”

It’s never too late to change. It’s never too late to learn something new or develop a new skill or learn better behavior patterns. It’s never too late to discover your true potential and become your best self!

I’m speaking from experience. I know what it’s like to feel you’ll never change. For most of my life I lived that way. I believed I was broken and that nothing could fix me. What I didn’t know was that staying stuck in my old belief patterns was a choice. Just like buying into the lie that my history defined my future was a choice.

Once I discovered I could choose to be a different person my life underwent a miraculous transformation. I changed. I started becoming the man I always knew I could be. Depression vanished; hope shone like a searchlight in my mind and ignited the fires of creativity, self-belief, passion, and purpose!

What about you? Are you content to maintain the status-quo? Or are you ready to make a difference, to change the path of your future?

The first step to changing your life’s path is to decide you want something better. Once you make that decision you might feel discomfort or hear voices saying, “It’s really not that bad. Let’s not be hasty and do something drastic.” or something similar.

That’s fear of change talking. It’s your comfort zone resisting growth. And most importantly, it means you’re on the right path! Change of any kind is uncomfortable for most people. Embrace that feeling. Let discomfort act as a way-post telling you you’re growing.

So say, “Enough is enough!” Demand a better future for yourself and those you love.

Now, create that future!

Today is the perfect day to start!

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland Byrd

Image courtesy: http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=982

Jan 01 2012

Are You Holding On To Something From Your Past?

When I was in high school I wanted to be a great dancer.

When no one was home I’d turn up the music and just move. Jumping, spinning, and doing all sorts of crazy things. I’d never had any training. I understood nothing about dance theory. I just loved how it felt to move to music!

But I was a closet dancer. I wasn’t confident in my dancing and had a fragile self-image. I was afraid what others would think if they saw me dancing. So the only time I really danced was when no one was watching. When I danced around others I used the safe, small shuffle step perfected by so many over the years.

One day I was at a formal dance with a girl I really liked. We were dancing and having a good time. In an effort to feel better about my dancing ability I pointed to another guy and laughed, “At least I dance better than him!”

My date looked at me and said, “No you don’t!” and shook her head.

That was one of the last times I ever danced. And I think that was the last time I danced for real.

Why?

I internalized her comment. I put so much value on her opinion of my dancing skills that my subconscious mind latched onto her comment and used it as evidence to validate my fears about dancing. I’d been holding on to her opinion and letting it dictate my desire and ability to dance. From then on, every time I thought of dancing a little voice said, “remember when…” effectively squashing my desire to dance.

But you know what?

Even after all this time, there’s still a part of me that wants to dance!

I’ve learned to let go of a lot in life. Like all humans, I’m a layered being. Over the past four years I’ve stripped away many layers of false notions, flawed beliefs, thinking problems, and baggage accumulated through my life. I’m still at it too! We evolve psychologically and spiritually until we die—and I believe that even when our physical bodies shed their last breath our journey continues.

Well, as I write this today I’ve discovered the next layer of fear and discomfort I must peel away from my subconscious. I don’t know about you…

But for me, It’s Time to Dance!

Always remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland Byrd

P.S. If you’re holding on to something that’s holding you back, Your Blueprint, Life by Design can show you how to overcome it.

*Image courtesy Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Archives for January 2012

Sometimes Crappy Things Happen.

Have you ever felt sorry for yourself?

I hear a lot of people say things like, “I’m too set in my ways to change.” or, “I’m too old to exercise.” or, “That’s just the way it is.”

When I was in high school I wanted to be a great dancer.

Double Your Motivation to Exercise!