Archives for March 2014

Mar 21 2014

Healing Your Past

Many people carry painful past experiences with them like badges of honor. It’s as if they say, I survived this and that gives me meaning. And that’s okay. But what does it do to their life moving forward?

That depends on the meaning they give the event they survived.

The very idea of surviving something implies that it could have destroyed you. Some things can destroy us emotionally, some physically, some spiritually, and some cognitively. But unless an event ends your life or removes your ability to think cohesively, you always have control over the meaning you give it.

I know, I said that already. That’s because it’s important. So please pay attention and remember this:

You Always Have Control Over The Meaning You Give Events.

And that’s key to healing your past!

Even now, if something terrible happened to you in the past, you can make the choice to give it a different meaning. You have the power to change something from an anchor that holds you captive in the past to a sail of hope that carries you into your brilliant future. And it can be as simple as asking yourself the question, What meaning can I give this (that event) that will empower me and help others?

Let’s do this together.

*Warning: you might want someone with you for moral support—and to help you stay in the present moment—when you do this the first few times. A counselor, therapist, or good friend are all great choices. If none of those are available, you can start with a smaller event, something that’s nagging instead of devastating. Once you master this technique it gets easier to do and in time you’ll be able to do it at will and you’ll even do it with events as they happen.*

Think of something from your past that’s painful to recall:

Here’s mine. This is something I haven’t thought of in years and when I remembered it I felt that emotional twinge that tells me I’ve never fully dealt with it.

When I was eight I had a step-father who thought it was a good idea to show my older brother and me just how powerful a 44-magnum handgun was. So he took us into the woods near our home and found a wild rabbit that was peacefully eating with its back to us.

He pulled out his 44, took aim, and shot the rabbit. The rabbit vanished in a puff of fur. To see that innocent life ended so violently was horrifying enough, but as I fought to hold back my tears—because I knew they were a sign of weakness to him—he walked my brother and me over to the place the rabbit had been just moments before. Then he laughingly showed us the pitiful remains of the small animal. I’ll spare you the details.

At the time I felt scared, small, and powerless. Whether it was his intent or not, killing that rabbit in front of me and my brother felt like a deliberate display of power, like a threat from a man who easily outweighed me by two-hundred pounds, and who I feared already. I also felt sad at the senseless taking of the small animal’s life.

Since I’m doing this with you, I’ll now ask myself the question, “What meaning can I give this that will empower me and help others?”

The meanings I choose now are these:

I learned valuable lessons that day, that help me and allow me to better serve others.

I learned that in the core of my being I know how valuable life is and that it should never be wasted—no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it is.
I learned about the power of empathy. I truly felt for that small creature and mourned for its passing.
I learned how something that might seem trivial to one can have life-altering meaning for another. That means we should always be cognizant of the potential impact of our actions on others.
I learned that we should never abuse our power. No matter who we are or what we can do, we should never deliberately harm others.

So, with these new meanings I forgive my step-father and now release the pain of the event.

I sincerely hope you try this method. It can be scary, it can even be painful. But if you do it carefully, in the presence of those who can help uplift and support you, I think you’ll find it works wonders in healing your past, giving greater meaning to your present, and opening your sails to an amazing new future.

Remember:

You are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Mar 15 2014

Is it Hard to Be Happy?

It’s Hard to Be Happy..?

I’ve been listening to an audio book. And while I appreciate and agree with most of what the author says, I did a triple-take when he said that it’s very hard to be happy because there are a lot of things you must do to feel happy.

I disagree wholeheartedly with that stance.

One of the things I’ve learned on my path, which has been very rocky at times, is that happiness is a choice. And to me, it’s an easy choice.

Yes, Happiness is Easy!

It’s as simple as this: Find joy in the way your life is right now. That means think of the things that are how you want them to be. Think of the things you’re grateful for. Think of the beauty of each moment as it happens. Live in the present instead of anchored to the past or searching for the future.

The only time you’ll truly feel unhappy is when you’re focusing on things that aren’t how you want them to be.

If you were abandoned by a parent and you spend a lot of time thinking about how unfair that is, then you’ll feel unhappy.
If you’re single and you constantly think of how you wish someone was in your life, you’ll feel unhappy.
If you’re out of work and you keep thinking about how horrible that is, then you’ll feel unhappy.
If you were injured or have a disability and think about all the things you could do if your body worked perfectly, then you’ll feel unhappy.

Those are just a few examples of things you could choose to feel unhappy about. But the important thing to understand is that while feeling sad is natural at times, wallowing in sadness isn’t. Wallowing in sadness is like complaining that a cactus is hurting you while squeezing it harder and harder…

So if you’re feeling sad, thank the feeling for the message it’s giving you because it’s an action signal—a signal that you must take action! Then ask yourself what you can do to either change the situation or how you feel about the situation.

You MIGHT:

Meditate and send thanks to the parent who abandoned you—for giving you life.
Join clubs, organizations, or participate in activities where you might meet someone with similar interests and hobbies.
Print up a resume, dress nicely, and hand deliver your resume to 5 to 10 different business a day. Then check back in with the ones who seem interested about once a week. You’ll land a job in no time. (I’ve done this in the past and it not only works, it gives a great first impression to employers.)
Think of all the things you can do. If possible, find ways of exercising that increase your flexibility and mobility. Feel gratitude for the fact that you have a fully functioning mind.
Make a gratitude list. This is one of my personal favorites! Just take a minute and write down at least 10 things you’re grateful for. It does wonders to shift your mood.
You can even go sit in nature and bask in its beauty for a while. Or sit under the stars and feel awestruck at the fact that your body is made of the same elements as those distant lights twinkling in the heavens.

No matter what your situation there is always something you can do to shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. That means there’s always some action you can take to help you focus on happiness.

That’s right, You Can Always Choose Happiness!

Because…
You are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Mar 07 2014

Are You Withholding Your Gifts?

Do you have a gift or talent that you might use to help others?

Are you using it?

If not, why not?

Are you afraid that you aren’t good enough or that your idea isn’t good enough?

I’d like to share a personal story that shows how I overcame the fear of using my gifts to help others.

As I wrote my first Self-Help Book, I had times when I thought, Who do you think you are to write a book to help others?

When that happened, I always redirected my thoughts to how much good my eBook will do and how much it will help others. But the thoughts kept coming back.

Then one day it hit me and the question, “Did God made a mistake giving me this knowledge and the ability to help others with it?” popped into my mind.

I didn’t have to ponder that for long, “No. I believe God knew what he was doing.” was my answer.

Next came this tough realization, “How selfish and small am I acting if I choose to withhold my gifts from the world?” And that was followed by, “Who am I to tell God he was wrong in giving me these gifts?”

For me, that was the end of any doubts about whether I was worthy to use my gifts to help others or whether I should pay any heed to fear. At that point I knew that even if I only touched one life, at least one person was better off for my efforts.

And that’s all I need.

Look at, listen to, or feel what’s in your heart. What does it tell you about the positive impact you can have on others?

Now, whether you believe in God or any higher power is beside the point. All you have to do is this; ask yourself the question, “Am I acting selfish and small by withholding my gifts from the world?”

Are you?

Only you can answer that question. But if you think about it, I’m sure you’ll realize at least one thing you can do to use your natural talents to help others.

Helping others can be as simple as posting an inspirational story or poem on your blog. It could be teaching someone how to do something. It might be singing for a friend or neighbor. It could be speaking to groups of people. It can be writing a book. It might be inventing something. It might even be giving a kind word to someone, acting in a movie that makes people laugh, or recording an album that lifts people’s spirits. The list goes on and on.

The truth is that whatever your gift or talent, there is a way to use it to help others. All you have to do is ask your subconscious mind to help you find it.

Try this. If you feel stymied about how you can help others, then right before you go to bed kindly ask your subconscious, “Please help me discover how I can help others.” Then go to sleep. The next morning or sometime the next day you will have inspiration about what you can do.

Now, this next bit is important. When you get that inspiration, Act On It! This teaches you to trust your instinct and it tells your subconscious that you appreciate its efforts.

So, the next time you feel inspired to do something that will positively touch the lives of others, do it. And if you hear the small voice of fear or doubt whispering in your mind, just ask yourself the following questions:

“Am I acting selfish and small by withholding my gifts from the world?”
“Do I think (God, The Universe, My higher power) was wrong to give me these gifts and talents?”
“Who am I to tell (God, The Universe, My higher power) that (He, She, or It) was wrong to give me these gifts and talents?”

If you do these things, you’ll start to experience success in your life like you’ve never imagined.

You are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

#WithholdingGifts #Success #Passion #BelieveInYourself

Mar 02 2014

Three Critical Things about Changing Your Life

Three Critical Things about Changing Your Life—That You Might Not Know

Change is Always Possible.

There are some who feel that change is out of reach to some, perhaps even forbidden. They promote the idea that some people just can’t change or that once a person has done a certain thing, they’re doomed to repeat that behavior for eternity…

This is a complete fallacy.

Everyone can change. Everyone has that power. It’s part of being human.

And that brings us to the next point:

You Have to Truly Want to Change.

This is the place where most people get hung-up. They think they want to change their behavior—and their lives—but they’re unwilling to do what’s necessary to change their psychology. And truthfully, all change that lasts comes from a change in your personal psychology. That means a change in your thought processes, a change in your beliefs, and a change in your focus.

People who are unwilling to do what’s necessary to create lasting change…either don’t really want to change or they associate more pain with changing than they do with staying the same. They’re often in love with the idea of changing and creating a better life but satisfy themselves with thoughts of change instead of taking action.

You can make changes in your life for a short time. But let’s avoid fooling ourselves, unless you create change from within, the changes usually won’t last.

**You Must Take Action.**

There is no way to stress this enough. For lasting change in your life you must take action! It isn’t enough to read about it or to go to seminars or even to get therapy. You Must Take Action! You must apply the things you lean and discover. You must step into the uncomfortable, sometimes dark corners of your psyche and examine what you find. Then you must choose a better path.

I’ll be completely transparent here. Changing your life can be painful. Sometimes it’s easy to wonder if you’ll ever make it. Sometimes it feels like you’re being ripped apart from the inside when you realize how distorted your perception of reality was. Sometimes you might feel like giving up. When you feel overwhelmed, depressed, like you’ll never succeed…Just remember that You Can Do It!

You Can Change!

And I Promise You This: No matter how difficult the path of personal transformation is for you; It Is Worth It! You Are Worth It! You’ll look back in a few months (or years) and breathe a deep sigh of relief because you’ll understand now that the path you walked was the necessary path for you to become the best version of yourself.

Always Remember:

You are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Archives for March 2014

Healing Your Past

You Always Have Control Over The Meaning You Give Events.

It’s Hard to Be Happy..?

Yes, Happiness is Easy!

The only time you’ll truly feel unhappy is when you’re focusing on things that aren’t how you want them to be.

Are You Withholding Your Gifts?

Look at, listen to, or feel what’s in your heart. What does it tell you about the positive impact you can have on others?

The truth is that whatever your gift or talent, there is a way to use it to help others. All you have to do is ask your subconscious mind to help you find it.

Three Critical Things about Changing Your Life—That You Might Not Know

Change is Always Possible.

You Have to Truly Want to Change.

You Must Take Action.

Double Your Motivation to Exercise!

**You Must Take Action.**