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Roland Byrd

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Archives for July 2017

Jul 27 2017

How to Recognize When You’re Emotionally Triggered and What to Do About It

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Have you ever been emotionally triggered?

So… You’re Emotionally Triggered

Have you ever had one of those moments when something happens that triggers a powerful emotional response? We don’t always know the roots of these visceral reactions. And we don’t necessarily need to. But we do have to keep our heads.

I had one of those reactions the other evening. Understand, I’ve had years of training in managing my emotions. I meditate almost every day. And I still flipped into an instant fight or flight reflex. But I kept my head—that’s where all of the training really pays off.

I was at the dinner table with my family. We’d finished eating and my younger children were goofing off a little. I was talking to my wife intently when, WHAM! Something slammed into the table right next to me, startling me. But it didn’t just startle me. It scared me. I was instantly fight ready because I thought I was being attacked. I spun in my seat and saw my 13 year old son looking at me. Startled by my reaction, his eyes were wide as saucers.

It Was Instant Fight or Flight!

I didn’t know then why I was reacting the way I was. It’s hard to recognize the cause when we’re in the middle of a triggered response. I figured out later; it had to do with childhood trauma, like a PTSD reaction. But at the moment I only knew I was overreacting on a massive scale. And that’s key. I understood that my reaction was way out of proportion to the event. So I got up and went to my room. Then I started meditating.

A few minutes later I heard my wife calling my name. I didn’t want to stop meditating. My reaction had morphed from fight or flight to fury. I could see that I was still hip-deep in over-reaction to the situation but I was working through it. Still, something in her tone compelled me to pause.

I opened the bedroom door and told her where I was and that I was there so I could cool off. She thanked me and then asked me to get rid of a bug that had snuck in the house.

Really? A bug? She was interrupting my meditation for a bug?

As I went downstairs to deal with the bug, my first thought was I’d smash it with my foot. I’d show that creature what happens to uninvited insect interlopers in my home!

But as I came upon the little creature I asked myself, “What did this beetle do to you?” Sure it was in my house. And yes we spray for bugs, so it would have died anyway if it stayed inside. But to smash it in anger? A death sentence for interrupting my mediation? That wasn’t right. It was an innocent bystander or maybe it was a gift, exactly what I needed at the time to put everything in perspective. In either case I scooped the beetle up on some paper, carried it outside, and set it free.

Let there be peace on earth and Let it begin with me

Then I went back upstairs and meditated using Ho’oponopono for about 10 minutes. But this time I was able to quickly calm down. That’s when I saw that my reaction at the table was linked to abuse I’d suffered as a child. That also when I truly understood that my 13 year old son was also an innocent bystander in the situation. He hadn’t meant to startle or scare me. He was just playing around and accidentally knocked a heavy water bottle over on the table. Granted, he smashed it over is more accurate. But it was still a mistake. Besides, even if he had done it deliberately, his behavior never merited my initial reaction. Period.

Ho'oponopono: I love you, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you

I finished meditating, went downstairs, and apologized to my son and family for overreacting. I explained that I’d realized I was overreacting and had left the room so I could calm down.

What Does Getting Triggered Mean?

Let’s take a moment and discuss what it means to get triggered, ways to recognize that you’ve been triggered, and some things you can do to keep your head and get back to normal when it happens.

Getting triggered means your subconscious mind plays an instantaneous, scripted response to a situation. These responses are patterns your subconscious mind stored in answer to painful, traumatic, or otherwise (emotionally or physically) dangerous events in your past. They are pure mental-reflex reactions. When a similar event occurs your subconscious mind fires off what it deems the appropriate pattern for the situation. Think of it as an emotional flash-bang grenade.

The problem is these triggered reactions are almost never appropriate to future events. As soon as your subconscious mind thinks it recognizes the pattern it created the reaction for, it gets launched. As you know, many things have similar parts and still aren’t the same. It’s like saying all sports cars have tires so all vehicles with tires are sports cars. We know that isn’t true consciously but our unconscious mind sees the pattern of tires and says, “I know just what to do when faced with tires!” How ridiculous does that sound?

You understand how damaging triggered reactions can be. But how do we know when we’re having one?

Ways to Recognize You’ve Been Triggered (How do You Know When You Get Triggered?)

If You’re Having a Triggered Response, You might experience one of the following:

  • Feel anger like a flash-fire or become overly emotional
  • Have trouble thinking clearly
  • React without thinking
  • Either want to, or actually behave in a way you normally wouldn’t
  • Say things you’d never normally say
  • Fixate on the person, event, or thing that upset you
  • Feel like you have to get even
  • Feel physically threatened when there’s no actual danger

 

What You Can Do When You Get Triggered:

  • Recognize you’re overreacting
  • If appropriate, tell the people involved that you know you’re overreacting
  • Leave the situation
    • If appropriate, come back when you’ve calmed down
  • Take a few deep breaths
  • Ask yourself, “What else could this mean?”
  • Use Ho’oponopono on the feelings you’re having
  • Avoid making major life decisions
  • Never harm yourself or others
  • Never discipline when you’re in the middle of a triggered reaction

 

For more ideas on breaking patterns in your life read: Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming Patterns and Behaviors That Hold You Back

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

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Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Emotional Triggers, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Ho'oponopono

Jul 15 2017

How Much Power does Your Body Have over Your Emotions?

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How strong is the connection between your body and your emotions?

The Body Emotion Connection

I had an interesting experience once that reminded me exactly how powerful our body’s connection with our emotions and our mood truly is.

I was working on a project at the office when a call came in. There was a server down emergency. I prepared to go to the client’s site and troubleshoot the issue. I was happy to go. I want to stress that part. I was truly happy to set aside my project and help this client.

But there was a delay in getting the dispatch order. And in this instance I had to wait for the green light before going. So I kept working on my project—but I was ready to roll at a moment’s notice.

I Thought I’d Be Funny

Fifteen minutes later our receptionist asked me to handle the issue. I thought I’d be funny, screwed up my face in exaggerated, mock anger and said in my best whiny voice, “I won’t go. I’m working on a project and you can’t make me!”

Then I instantly stopped, smiled, and said, “I hope you know I’m playing. I’ve been ready to go since the call came in.” While I said this I was reflecting on my internal reaction. Frankly I was shaken. I’ll tell you why in a moment.

Our receptionist seemed fine with my antics, looked at me with a “What a goof” expression, and thanked me for my willingness to help.

Here’s The Crazy Part.

As I pretended to be angry…I actually got angry. I’d mimicked anger physically—voice, actions, and body posture, so my brain produced feelings of anger. And wow, was I angry!

I quickly released my feelings of anger. Then I thought about the power of this example. I’d gone from content and happy to angry—in less than 6 seconds—because I’d unintentionally used my body to tell my brain that I wanted to feel angry. Isn’t that what it means? If you use your body in a way that produces anger, you’re actually telling your mind you want to be angry. Likewise, if you use your body in a way that produces happiness, love, and joy, you’re telling your mind to give you those emotions.

The really crazy part is that I actually got angry because of how I was using my body!

You know posture affects your mood. You understand smiling cheers you up. The way you use your body shapes your life in many ways.

How Are You Using Your Body?

Do you:

  • Sit up straight or slouch?
  • Walk tall with your head held high or hunch over?
  • Smile as often as you think about it or walk around frowning?
  • Talk in strong clear tones or mumble or whine?
  • Exercise regularly or live an inactive life style?
  • Go outside and enjoy your day or sit inside?

As you look at that list you know which actions are better for your mood. I encourage you to give attention to your physiology today. Notice what you’re doing with your body and how it affects you. Then change the things you need to change!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go exercise.

 

Always Remember

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

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Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Body Mind Connection, Emotions, Power of Physiology

Jul 01 2017

You Can Love More

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We all can love moreYou Can Love More.

It’s easy to say, “You can love more”. But why does love matter? What does loving more really mean?

First, let me tell you about an experience I had a short time ago:

How can I help more people? How can I make a bigger difference, empower more people to change?

These questions tugged at the fringes of my mind, heavy with urgency while I hovered at the edge of darkness. I unknowingly drifted into sleep’s embrace. One moment I was aware, the next I was waking, digging my way toward consciousness like one buried in deep sand.

I opened my eyes a fraction. Moonlight reflected off clouds drifting past my window. Bright as white fire against the night, it stung my eyes. I wanted to close them and surrender to unconsciousness once more. But the clouds were surreal. They called to me and I couldn’t look away. They swirled, danced in the moonlight. A word formed in the spaces between them.

“You”

I blinked to clear my eyes, rubbed them, closed them tight and shook my head to dissipate the mental fog. Surely this was a trick of my weary orbs. I opened them again. It was still there. Brighter. More defined. As if an unseen hand had carved the word out of the shining clouds.

“You”

The clouds held form a beat, then churned and shifted. Wispy tendrils of vapor merging, overlapping, coalescing. Moments later a new word shone, etched in dark relief against the billowing sky.

“Can”

Okay. Now you’ve got my attention. I can what? I knew I was awake. This wasn’t a dream. I glanced at my wife’s sleeping form. Blissful peace upon her visage. I kissed her cheek then looked back to the clouds, eager to receive the rest of my message.

Sliding across one another the clouds mingled anew. When they came to rest the word “Love” shone upon me through the night.

“Love”

Then the clouds paused, as if making sure I understood. I smiled involuntarily. Wind howled, shook my house like a playful child. The clouds whirled, spun, merging and mixing and my word vanished in a wash of moonlight. I waited, watching carefully for more. But nothing came. The sky was done speaking.

I wondered, “You Can Love”. Of course I can love. I do love. I love my work. I love helping others. I love my family, my wife, my life. I love so many things. And then it hit me with the force of an emotional tsunami, the giant wave crashing across my mind. I Can Love More.

Be Patient Kind Forgiving Understanding Accountable Courageous Humble, Love More

I can love the people I’m helping more. I can love my work more. I can love my family, my wife, my children more. I never thought it was possible but now I know it is. I can love more. I can love enough to give my absolute best, my supreme effort every day. And the more I love, the more I open my heart, the more people I’ll reach, empowering them to change.

And That’s What It’s All About. Helping Others!

How does this apply to you?

We All Can Love More.

You can love those in your life more. You can love your family more, your co-workers more, your neighbors more. You can love yourself more. Love yourself and others enough to be the best version of yourself. Give people the benefit of the doubt. That means the person who cut you off in traffic too. Chances are they didn’t mean it. And even if they did, why not love them anyway?

So many people live in a blame based reality, constantly on the lookout for someone who’s at fault for the condition of their lives. They never look in the mirror. They fail to understand that regardless of what happens to them, they always have a choice what they do with it, what meaning they give it.

Blaming Others Isn’t Love.

Love others and yourself enough to accept full accountability for your choices. Love enough to make the changes you must and live the life you desire. By living the life you desire you’ll create positive ripples in our world. Love yourself and others enough to influence the world for good. Make a commitment now to be more loving, to make a difference!

I love you, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you

I’ll close with the Ho’oponopono mantra:

I love you

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

 

Love

Roland

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

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Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Forgiveness, Ho'oponopono, Love more, Make a difference, Personal Accountability

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