Roland Byrd

Mind & Body Fitness Coach

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The Power of Forgiveness

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Why is Forgiveness so Powerful?

First, let’s clear up some common misconceptions about forgiveness. There seems to be a belief—at least in western society—that forgiveness means you’re saying that, “Whatever happened is okay.”

That is the farthest thing from the truth. Forgiveness simply means that you are letting go of the pain that you’ve been holding onto because of whatever it was that happened.

Forgiveness means letting go of the pain

Let’s clear that up first. You can forgive someone else or even yourself without necessarily saying that whatever happened was okay because maybe it wasn’t okay. Maybe it will never be okay. That happens. And if that’s the case, fine. Forgiving yourself or them might never make it okay.

Forgive Anyway Because Forgiving is Just Letting Go.

Let’s get really clear on that. Forgiving means letting go of the pain that you’ve been holding onto because of whatever happened in the past.

When you let go of that pain, you’ll be able to start enjoying life again. You’ll be able to start feeling better about yourself because forgiveness also means taking your life and your power back!

Forgiveness gives you the power to take control of your life

When you’re holding onto pain or anger or hate or whatever-it-is because of something that happened, then you’re giving up a part of your life to that event or that other person. You’re giving them control over you. You’re giving them control over what you’re doing, what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling…

We’ve all seen the people who go through life as bitter, hollow shells of themselves because of something that happened.

That’s a Choice. You can Let Go of the Pain.

There are also people you’ve seen who had something really horrible happen and they let it go and they go on to live normal, healthy, happy, productive lives because they let it go.

Forgiveness gives you the power to take back control of your life. Imagine that whatever happened is an anchor on the end of a massive chain and it’s holding you back. When you forgive, you cut the chain! Thus freeing yourself up to start moving again now, to start being a part of life now, to start loving and caring fully now, to start being vulnerable again now, to start allowing yourself to experience the full beauty of life now.

When you forgive, you cut the chains of the old negative emotions you were holding onto. You Let It Go Now and take your power back!

Forgiveness also allows you to take back the energy that was expended in staying in that angry, hurtful, hateful, whatever-it-was state. It takes energy to stay there. Forgiveness allows you to take that energy back and instead of using it to maintain that old state, it allows you to take that energy back and start using it in a more productive way in your life. It allows you to move forward, to break free! It allows you to start living again!

Forgiving Ourselves

Sometimes the person we have to forgive most is ourselves. When that’s the case… Do It. Learn what you need to learn so you’ll never repeat whatever-it-was that happened and move on, because you can’t take anything back. You can’t undo something you did. Someone else can’t undo something that they did. Things that have happened, have happened. The difference is going to be what meaning are you giving it.

When you forgive, you can start using whatever-it-was that happened, whether it was you or someone else who did it or whether it was an act of God or act of nature—horrible things sometimes happen that are completely random—for your good. When you forgive and you change the meaning, then you’re able to move more easily and effortlessly through life.

If you’re wondering how you can start? You can start by asking yourself questions like these:

“What can I learn from what happened?”

“What can I take from that that can be positive, that can help me be a better person?”

“What can I take from that that can help me help others?”

“How can I use whatever-it-was that happened to help me be a force for good in this world?”

Start asking yourself better questions and Cut Those Chains! Forgive so you can more easily and effortlessly move on with your life.

Always Remember:

You Are the Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Ready for Change? Schedule your free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/180-u/nlp-consultation

#SelfAware #Forgiveness #Forgive #Awareness #SelfCare #Mindset #Mindfulness #Failure #Success #Champion #Learning #Questions #SubconsciousMind #Empower #Goals #Mastery #MentalGame #Attitude #MentalAttitude #EmotionalState #Motivation #VictimMentality #SuccessMentality #Inspire #Achievement #Emotions #ManageEmotions #SelfHelp #Healing #Results #Mind #MindPower #HowTo #SelfTalk

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Why People Fail And How To Use Failure to Grow

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Why People Fail


Before we get into that, let’s discuss, “What is Failure?” Because when you think of the statement, “Why People Fail.” You’re most likely thinking of failure as a horrible result—where the person gets the worst outcome that could possibly happen from the efforts that they’re putting in.

It’s true, that’s one kind of failure. That’s a massive failure. And it happens.

There’s another kind of failure to notice and be aware of.  And that’s the type of failure that happens all the time. It’s the failure that’s a definite and necessary part of the learning process because we can never learn how to do something if we aren’t failing.

When we try something and it works out differently that how we’d expected, that’s a failure.

Right?

How To Use Failure To Grow

You take the results you got. You figure out what part is working and you keep that. The parts that weren’t working you throw out. Then figure out what you need to do differently, and start either over or build on it. It’s taking what works, remembering it, learning from it, and letting go of the rest.

When someone experiences a normal failure that’s a part of the learning process. That’s okay! That’s just part of the gig. That’s how we learn. That’s how we grow! And when we are learning and growing, then failure’s okay.

Failure is part of the normal learning process.

What about the other failure though, the type of failure that happens when people totally self-destruct? Or when everything falls apart? Or something goes horribly wrong and just totally off the rails?

That’s failure’s a problem. That’s a real problem. There are opportunities to learn from that. You have the ability to take what worked and run with it, and grow and build and figure out what you can do differently next time. And there’s also your ability to completely throw it out and start over. Your ability to be the phoenix rising from the ashes—of your life or the event or whatever happened.

What Causes Massive Failure?

That kind of failure though… The massive failure. That kind of failure comes from a mindset that’s unsupportive of what the person is trying to do. It comes across in things like self-sabotage. That type of failure comes around when the unconscious mind is completely unsupportive of what the conscious mind is trying to do. It can also happen when the unconscious mind forgot to unlearn something that it learned in the past, something that seemed to make sense when it learned it but now isn’t working. And maybe it never worked!

Sometimes, our unconscious minds, learn how to do stuff that never really works. But it fills a need and it’s what we know. So we run with it. The way to overcome that kind of failure is to master your mindset, to start doing things that help support your goals, support your dreams, and support the results you want.

We control our efforts 100

We have no ability to control the results we’re getting. But we can control our efforts 100%. And when our efforts are amazing and they’re brilliantly building on what we want to do, then the results are going to come.

We may get the results we want. We may get better results than we want. It’s our job to make sure we have the mindset necessary to get the results we truly desire. And the way to do that is to start paying attention to what you’re thinking.

How To Overcome an Unsupportive Mindset

This is one of the very first steps. Pay attention to your thoughts. Do your thoughts support what you want? Or are you tearing yourself down? Are you your own worst critic? Or are you your best cheerleader?

It’s good to notice what you’re doing that’s working and what you’re doing that isn’t working. It’s great to give yourself feedback and to get feedback from other people. As you know, there’s a difference between giving yourself positive, critical feedback and being critical of yourself.

What are you doing? How do you talk to yourself?

If you were walking down the street and you heard someone talking to a friend, a loved one, or a stranger the way you talk to yourself… What would you think?

What would you think if you heard someone talking to another person the way you talk to yourself_

Consider that for a moment…

What would you think if you heard someone else talking to another person the way you talk to yourself?

That’s what I want you to work on this week. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Start noticing, what you say, how you say it, and the emotions that are driving it.

Always remember, you are the master of your destiny!

Roland

#SelfAware #Awareness #Phoenix #SelfCare #Mindset #Mindfulness #Failure #Success #Champion #Learning #Questions #SubconsciousMind #Empower #Goals #Mastery #MentalGame #Attitude #MentalAttitude #EmotionalState #Motivation #VictimMentality #SuccessMentality #Inspire #Achievement #Emotions #ManageEmotions #SelfHelp #Healing #Results #Mind #MindPower #HowTo

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Why People Fail And How To Use Failure to Grow
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Why You Must Ask Better Questions

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Let’s Talk About The Questions You’re Asking Yourself.

What kind of questions do you ask yourself when something goes differently than how you wanted?

If something works out poorly or something random happens that really kind of sucks… What do you ask about it? What do you think? What are you doing with the event? What kind of questions are you asking?

That can make or break you as far as the results you’re getting from life!

I used to ask some horrible questions. And I mean, HORRIBLE QUESTIONS! I would ask things like, “Why me?”

“Why does this happen to me?”

You know what? There’s nothing good that comes from a question like that.

“Why does this always happen?” Is another favorite that people ask. And you know what? It’s a crap question!

So, “Why me?”, “Why does this happen to me?” Let’s replace questions like that.

Ask Better Questions

Any question that puts you in a victim mindset, needs to be gotten rid of.

Start asking yourself questions like:

  • “What else could this mean?”
  • “How can I use this to make myself a better person?”
  • “How can I use this to actively improve the lives of others?”
  • “What’s the good in this?”
  • “What’s the positive message here?”

You may or may not have heard about the motorcycle accident I had going on 7 years ago now. I was pulling onto the freeway, going about 55mph when I got sideswiped by a minivan. About 150ft of tumbling down the freeway later, laying there, once I figured out that I was in one piece and that I was still alive… The very first question that I asked was, “I wonder what the lesson in this is and I wonder who it’s for?”

And because I had trained myself to think that way, and to ask those kind of questions when stuff happens, what could have been an absolutely horrendous event turned into just something that happened.

Yeah, it sucked! I was beat up. I hurt for weeks afterward. But you know what? I was ok. I was alive. I could think. I had all my mental faculties. My body, except for a couple of minor inconveniences, was really okay.

I remember it like it was yesterday

If I would have asked different questions, then who knows what would have happened. I guarantee it wouldn’t have been the positive outcome that’s come from it. I use that as a teaching tool. I use it as a way to help people understand how powerful they are, how powerful their minds are and how powerful their outlook on life is.

What kind of questions do you ask yourself? When something happens that goes differently than what you want, are you asking yourself questions that have you thinking in a victim mindset or—and this is what I highly recommend—are you asking yourself questions that get you thinking about things like:

  •  “What’s the good in this?”
  • “How can I use this to help others?”
  • “How can I use this to make my life better?”
  • “What’s the lesson in here?”
  • “How can this be something that I can turn into a positive influence in my life?”

Questions like that, they’re going to get you firmly onto the path of mastering your mindset.

And always remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

#Questions #SubconsciousMind #Mindset #Empower #Success #Goals #Mastery #Mindfulness #MentalGame #Attitude #MentalAttitude #EmotionalState #Motivation #VictimMentality #SuccessMentality #Inspire #Achievement #SelfCare #Emotions #ManageEmotions #SelfHelp #Healing #Results #Mind #MindPower

Life 180 University: Get Your Mind Right & Your Body Will Follow
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Why Are Healthy Boundaries Important

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What Are Healthy Boundaries and Why Do We Need Them?

Healthy boundaries help us in our relationships, they help us in our personal life, they can help us in all areas of life. It’s appropriate to have boundaries. it’s appropriate to have things where you say, “Woah! Sorry, that’s off limits.”

Boundaries help us to maintain positive emotional states. If we know that there’s something that were unwilling to do, unwilling to be a party of, or unwilling to allow someone else to do in relation to us, then having clearly defined boundaries helps us stay better emotional states.

Why?

Because you’re able to say, “Hey look, that’s off-limits.” Or “That’s something that’s a no-fly zone, it just isn’t allowed.” Or, “I’m unwilling to accept that behavior.”

And you can set boundaries on behavior from yourself or from someone else. It’s best to say, “That this behavior is something I’ll accept and these are things that I won’t.” Or, “These are things I’ll accept and this is something that I won’t.”

Specifically, in Your Relationship

You can choose love—we talked about that in an earlier video—you can choose love, you can be forgiving, and you can still have healthy boundaries.

Having a healthy boundary would be something like, “Verbal abuse will never be tolerated.” And, “Physical abuse will never be tolerated.” Obviously, “Any type of abuse must never be tolerated.” Those are boundaries. That’s, “Sorry. Off-limits. Those will never be tolerated. Those behaviors are game stoppers.”

In all relationships, you can have subjects you disagree on. And you can still get along

If something like that’s going on in your life, you can set appropriate boundaries and say, “I refuse to accept that behavior.” And the person who’s doing the behavior, the person who’s being abusive, needs to get some sort of help!  So, they can stop and learn their way past the behavior. Given enough desire and a true willingness to grow, people can learn their way out of all behaviors.

No one is stuck in a behavior. Regardless of what popular culture might tell you, people can change their behaviors. It happens all the time. For the changes to be permanent, they’ve got to come from deep within the person. Lasting change must be from the inside out. If someone stops doing something and they say, “Oh, I’m just gonna stop it.” And they stop, without doing anything to learn their way through it, to grow past it, and truly internalize the changes, then the change will most likely be temporary.

They need to go deep inside, change who they are at their core, and learn their way through, past, beyond, the behavior.

Remember: Set boundaries. Never accept any form of abuse. You must have absolutely no tolerance of abuse!

Other Things You Can Set Boundaries About

What you watch. What you read. What you listen to. Essentially, what you’re filling your head with because the seeds you plant in your mind today grow the thoughts you have tomorrow. Make sure the things you feed your mind support where you want to be in life.

You can also set boundaries about what behaviors you’ll accept from yourself. We talked about that earlier. What behaviors will you accept from yourself? Are you willing to accept laziness? Are you willing to accept yourself sitting around being unproductive?

You can set boundaries about what behaviors you'll accept from yourself.

It’s okay to be unproductive from time to time. it’s okay to relax. It’s okay to take care of yourself. Sometimes taking care of yourself means things like exercise, reading a book, time outside, time with friends, meditating, even watching a movie…

Whatever it is, it’s okay to take care of yourself. I highly recommend you take care of yourself.

When I mention being lazy and unproductive, I’m talking about the individual who does things like, sitting down and playing video games for 12 hours a day, or watching hours and hours of videos or movies, etc. Those might be fun, but they’re in no way productive. Those behaviors fail to improve us as individuals. There’s nothing healthy about those patterns.

What You Talk About

You can set boundaries about what conversations you’ll engage in. If you’re in a relationship, and you’ve agreed to disagree on a certain subject, and any time the subject comes up it turns into an argument… Then a healthy boundary could be, “Hey, we’re going to avoid talking about that because you and I have very different opinions. It’s more than likely that neither of us will ever jump the fence to the other person’s point of view and just accept that, ‘that’s the way it is’ so let’s make conversations about that topic off-limits.”

In all relationships, you can have subjects you disagree on and you can still get along.

The point is; it’s okay to disagree on things. If the things you’re disagreeing on are issues, that in the grand scheme of things, are really not that big of a deal or are really unimportant overall, then you can agree to stop talking about those things. And focus on the good things instead. Focus on the things you agree on. If the thing you disagree about is a big deal, then perhaps it’s time to learn how to negotiate with your partner.

Who’s In Your Inner Circle

You can choose what type of people you’ll be around. That’s a great boundary to set.

Are you going to be around positive empowered people? Or are you going to be around negative people. What Zig Ziglar used to call the “Negative Nellies.” The people who just want to complain for the sake of complaining. I would highly recommend you avoid those people because, if they’re firmly entrenched in complaining about life, they’ll just pull you down. For negative people, you could set a boundary that, “Hey, if you wanna talk about something that’s going wrong, then let’s look for solutions. Or we’ll stay away from that subject and talk about other things.”

There’s really nothing good that ever comes out of complaining. It’s a downward spiraling behavior, like a train-wreck it quickly flies off the rails.

Boundaries can be choosing the types of people you’ll be around. Are you around positive, empowering people, supportive people? People who share your vision, who share your dreams who believe in you, who want to see you succeed, those are great people to be around! Negative people, who want to tear you down, who just want to complain… Set a boundary. Stay away from them. That’s an important boundary for you.

What You Do In Your Free Time

Another boundary is choosing what activities you engage in. Some people are perfectly fine going out and partying. Okay, great! Some of us disagree with that on a personal level. And that’s okay too. It’s our choice. So, whatever your comfort zone is, set the appropriate boundary for you.

Maybe you love going out and hiking with friends, but you’d rather avoid going to the club. Great! Have a boundary with your friends that, “If we’re going to go out, let’s do something in nature, and if you guys want to go to the club, you go ahead. I’ll be okay until the next time the opportunity comes for us to go hang out in nature.”

What You Allow In Your Body

Another major boundary is deciding what substances you’ll allow in your body. There are drugs that are legal… Great! If you’re cool with doing that to your body—whatever current pseudo-science tells you about it—then go ahead do it to your body.

But if you are of a mindset that you want to be 100% in control of your health, that you want to have a clear mind, and that you want to avoid addictions, then stay away from that behavior.

Whatever your thoughts are on drugs, alcohol, or other substances… First I highly recommend staying on the side of the fence legally. That’s just a good place to be. And make the decision, what’ll you’ll allow in your body, in advance. Set that boundary. When you’ve already decided what your boundary is, it’s much easier to honor it.

I personally never drink. I Haven’t had a drop of alcohol in over 27 years. That’s my choice. I’m totally happy with that choice. There are people who go out and drink. Cool! That’s good for them. That’s okay. That’s a lifestyle choice that works for them. If you’re okay drinking alcohol, then go ahead, have your drinks when you want. I choose to stay away from it. That’s my boundary.

Do You Know Your Boundaries?

What are you boundaries?

What are your boundaries? If you haven’t made the decision yet; What things do you choose to you allow in your body? What do you allow in your mind? What do you allow in your personal environment—or what I call your headspace?

Those are all things that have a massive impact on your mindset. And your mindset, as you know, is what allows you to be in the place where you get the results you want out of life!

I’m highly recommend that you make a list today of your major life boundaries. And pay attention to it. Start living by it! Enforce your boundaries.

And always remember: You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Life 180 University: Get Your Mind Right & Your Body Will Follow
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Love is a Choice-3 Powerful Tools to Help You Deepen Love in Your Relationship

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The Power of Understanding that Love is a Choice

I want to talk about the power that comes from understanding that Love is A Choice. Did you know that you can choose love every day? I’m specifically talking about your relationship with your spouse, your significant other, your partner.

Love is a choice. When people first, “fall in love,” it’s the biological reaction, the excitement, the hormones, everything that’s going on that has them feel like, “they’re in love.”

What happens when the initial chemical reactions, when the initial biochemistry that’s going on—that creates that feeling of excitement—wears off?

That’s when the power of choosing love really comes into play.

Choose Love Every Day

We Can Choose Love Every Single Day.

How do we do that? How do we choose love? Start by recognizing what choices increase and decrease the feelings of love that you have for your partner.

What are the feelings that you have about things that they do every day?

Do you remember why you fell in love in the first place?

Are you thinking about things that they do that you find attractive and exciting and things that encourage that wonderful feeling? Or are you thinking about the things that they do that maybe are a little bit annoying? Recognize what choices, recognize the thoughts that you’re having that are either increasing or decreasing the feelings of love that you have for your partner.

As an example, from my relationship with my beautiful wife who I’ve been married to for almost 18 years now; she has some things that she does that, I’m sure if I were to really think about them, I might find annoying. But the thing is, I made the decision a long time ago to let those things just slip on by. And because I put no energy and no focus on those things they’re non-issues. If I were to focus on those things, then it could have an adverse effect on the love that I feel over time. But since I focus on the wonderful qualities that she has, and she’s got a lot of wonderful qualities, then that really helps enhance my feelings of love toward her because I’m choosing love every day. I’m choosing to focus on her good traits. I’m choosing to remember all of the wonderful things that she does. I’m choosing to remember and focus on just how beautiful a person she is and how much she loves to help others and all the amazing things about her.

Thinking about the amazing things about my wife, they are countless and the things that are perhaps less-than-ideal are very few, minuscule in number. So why would I focus on the few things that might be less-than-ideal when there are countless amazing things I can look at?

Are you making choices that strengthen your love?

Are You Making Choices that Strengthen Your Relationship and thus Increase Your Love Every Day?

Do you tell yourself wonderful things about your partner? Do you tell yourself about the things that they do that are less-than-ideal?

Ages ago I used to drive semis, doing construction work. This was in Chicago. There was a man who would routinely complain about the lunch that his wife packed him for work every day. He would sit down at lunch time, pull it out, and he would just whine and complain—quite violently—about what she was making him to eat.

I stopped him one day and I said, “Man, you’re lucky she’s making you lunch!”

What are you going to focus on in your relationship? So, instead of complaining about little nitpicky things, start focusing on the good things.

What are some things that you can do to improve your relationship and increase your love?

Here are a 3 powerful places to start:

1. Remembering Why You Fell in Love:

Remember why you fell in love. Remember all the good things about your partner that you initially fell in love with.

There are some relationships, let’s be honest, there are some relationships where things come out over time, that no matter how much you love the person, are things that you just can’t abide. Okay, if that happens, it’s healthy to have boundaries. It’s healthy too protect yourself, if necessary, and to do things like that. So, this is in no way saying to overlook major things that are dangerous or harmful or that are hurting people. Alright? Let’s be clear on that. Those things need to be taken care of and dealt with accordingly.

What I’m saying is, in a normal relationship where there is just the normal ebb and flow of life; remember why you fell in love. Remember the amazing things about your partner. Remember that initial spark, that initial POW! Remember that. Start thinking about that on a regular basis.

2. Gratitude Journaling About Your Spouse or Partner:

Take a gratitude Journal, and for 30 days I want you to write down at least 10 things every day that you’re grateful for about your spouse. That helps shift your focus to all the wonderful things about them. So for 30 days, start writing down ten things—at a minimum—every day of things that you’re grateful for about your spouse.

Stop taking things personally

3. Stop Taking Things Personally:

And stop taking things personally. People do things, people do things that are weird, that don’t make sense… It isn’t about you. What people do is about them. Stop taking it personally.

For years when my wife, Vauna and I were first married, in the beginning she would have this expression on her face and I thought I was in trouble all the time. I thought that I had done something wrong. Now, that was me. That was my interpretation of what was going on. But one day I wised up enough to ask her, “Hey, what does it mean when you get that expression on your face?”

She said, “I’m just concentrating.”

So, for all that time I had felt I was in trouble, like I’d done something wrong—and again that was all my internal garbage that I hadn’t cleaned up yet. Okay, so let’s be clear on that. That was me. The way that I felt like I was in trouble was about me. Just like when you do things that have you feeling a certain way about yourself, it’s about you. It’s how you’re processing the world.

I was assigning a meaning to a behavior, that my beautiful wife was doing unconsciously, that had nothing to do with me. And once I learned, through asking, that all it meant was, she was concentrating, that alleviated so much stress and frustration that had been caused by that for me.

What is it That You’re Taking Personally That You Can Let Go of Today?

Remember, the things that you can start doing, right now, to increase the love you’re feeling for your spouse, your partner in your relationship.

  • Remember the reasons why you fell in love.
  • For 30 days write down 10 things, or more, every single day in a gratitude journal—that you’re grateful for about your spouse or partner.
  • Stop taking things personally.

Always remember: You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

#Love #ChooseLove #Relationships #Mindset #SubconsciousMind #Success #Goals #Attitude #Mastery #MentalAttitude #EmotionalState #UnconsciousMind #Inspire #Motivate #MentalGame #Healing

Life 180 University: Get Your Mind Right & Your Body Will Follow
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Love is a Choice-3 Powerful Tools to Help You Deepen Love in Your Relationship
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