Success

Mar 13 2015

Walk Your Own Path

How often do others tell you that you should do this with your life or you should do that with your life? I know it’s happened to me a lot over the years. And I imagine it’s happened to you.

Generally the people giving the advice are well meaning. And their motives vary. Sometimes they tell you that, “That’s where the money is!” Sometimes they tell you that, “It’s the path to happiness!” or, “It’s the way to be successful!” or, “It’s the path to true spirituality and inner peace!” And that’s great. The path that’s working for them is wonderful for them. But…

It Doesn’t Matter Where They Think The Path Leads If It’s Not Your Path.

You may want success. You may want happiness. You may want wealth. You may want greater spirituality and inner peace. You may want a combination of all these, or you may want something completely different. But whatever you want, even if it’s exactly what someone else is telling you their path leads to, your path still might be different because you are different, unique, with your own skills and talents and dreams and desires.

You Are You. Your Path is Your Path. No One Else Can Walk It. No One Else Can Tell You What It Is.

Sure, others may guide you. But you have to discover your own path. Once you’re on your true path you’ll find guides, mentors, and way posts to keep you heading the right direction. And you must ignore those telling you your path isn’t right. Besides, how could they possibly know whether your path is right? It’s your path, not theirs.

What if You Haven’t Discovered Your True Path?

Take a few minutes and reflect on the things that bring you the most joy in life. I’m talking true joy. What really makes your heart sing? What moments are filled with pure bliss, where time seems to stand still and the world falls away leaving you in a perfect moment?

These are your passions and they’re clues to your true path. Some might call it your calling in life instead of your path. That’s okay. Whatever you call it, it’s yours and you should live it.

How Do I Live My True Path?

The best way I’ve found to start living your true path, to really walk it, is to ask yourself the following question, “How can I use my passions to help others or to make the world a better place?”

Now Go Do It! Get out there and Walk Your Own Path!

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Oct 12 2013

What is The Truth About Tomorrow?

So, What is The Truth About Tomorrow?

Many people put off doing things, important things, because tomorrow seems like a better time to do them than today. But is it really? Is there anything about tomorrow that makes it inherently better than today, or Now, to start taking action on the things that matter?

I wrote the story, Could’a Been for my book, The Pi of Life. Could’a Been is a fun tale about the magic of tomorrow and the dangers of procrastination… I’m sharing the story with you in video and text. Enjoy!

Could’a Been

There’s a place called Tomorrow in the town of Could’a Been. The citizens of Could’a Been talk about Tomorrow all the time. Tomorrow is a magical place where all things happen perfectly. All Could’a Beenians know the only time to do anything worth doing is Tomorrow. Sadly, none of them have ever seen Tomorrow. Each morning they wake up, open their eyes, and realize with disappointment…it’s Today.

Even so, the Could’a Beenians hang all their hopes and dreams on Tomorrow. They know in their hearts; Tomorrow will happen. And when it does, they’re ready to take action.

But until then they keep waiting to do important things, because there’s no use doing something Today when Tomorrow’s right around the corner.

The Could’a Beenians have neighbors in nearby Action Town. They envy the Actionians because things always seem to work out for them. The Could’a Beenians think the Actionians have a mystical secret, a powerful trick that guarantees their success. And worse, a secret the Actionians aren’t willing to share!

But the truth is the Actionians have no secret. They just believe in Today.

For the Actionians there is no better time to do important things than Today. The Actionians understand that Tomorrow isn’t a magical place. Tomorrow is a dream killer, because people who wait until Tomorrow never do anything important Today.

The Actionians have tried and tried to share this knowledge with the Could’a Beenians. But the Could’a Beenians just smile, nod politely, and feel sad for the Actionians because they don’t understand the magic of Tomorrow.

End

Always Remeber

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Oct 05 2013

Have You Ever Been Lost?

Have you ever been lost?

Lost while traveling? Lost in life?

I have. More often than I care to admit. 🙂

It’s no fun, not knowing where you are, sometimes not even knowing how you got there.

What about those times when you got directions and you’re doing your best to follow them…And you end up lost anyway?

Have you experienced that?

Yes? No? Maybe?

Well I have. In fact it happened to me just the other day.

I was traveling to a client’s that I’d never been to before. But I was proactive! I got directions from someone who’d been there often. Armed with these directions I set out for what should have been a 35 to 40 minute drive.

I drove to the second gas station (Station X we’ll call it) in town. “You’ll be heading west and pass Station X, it’ll be on your right.” Was one part of my directions. So I drove past Station X. It was on my right. I was heading West. Check.

“Then you’ll follow the road toward the mountains.” I followed the road past Station X and toward the mountains. Check.

“Keep going until you start losing cell phone service, you’ll be going up into the mountains.” I kept going until I started losing cell phone coverage and I was going up into the mountains. Check.

“You’ll come to the top of a rise and start heading down. After that you’ll see a red dumpster on your right. Turn on that road. Then follow that to the fork in the road and turn left, you’ll cross some rail-road tracks and the business is just up the road on the left.”

I came to the top of the rise and started back down. No red dumpster…

Hmmm, maybe it’s a little farther on. After all, my directions said, “If you come to Iron Town, you’ve gone too far.” I hadn’t seen that town yet, so it must be a little farther up the road.

I drove up the next rise, a few more roads to the right, no red dumpster.

I hit the next town. But it wasn’t Iron Town.

Cell service was back so I called my friend and told him I missed the road somehow.

“Well did you pass Station X on the right?”

“Yes.”

“The second Station X in town?”

“Yes.”

“And you followed the road into the mountains until you started losing cell service?”

“Yes. But I never saw Iron Town.”

“Hmmm… We’ll you must have missed that too. It’s a small town. Go back. This time look for the red dumpster on your left. Then turn on the road right after it. And you’ll get there.”

“Okay.” So I hung up, turned around and started looking for the red dumpster on my left.

Did I find it?

Nope!

I carefully scanned every bit of the road on the way back. Nothing. So I stopped, once I had cell signal again, and did a search for the customer. What I discovered was this:

I Was Using The Wrong Map

There were three Station Xs in town. I’d never known that. I thought the third Station X was the second. The second and third stations were identical in design. Both stations were on the right of a road that went into the mountains. Both roads traveled into areas where there was no cell phone service. In fact the directions fit perfectly for both routes except for one tiny but critical bit. We’d never discussed the fact that one of the roads passes Station X and then curves North while the other road continues heading West.

I got to the second Station X and followed my directions. It felt surreal how the direction matched up perfectly again. But the difference was this time I was in the right area. I made it to the client. Two and a half hours later than I should have. And I’ll never forget where that client is located!

I also reinforced a valuable lesson.

It doesn’t matter how good your directions are or how good you are at following them if you’re using the wrong map. You can know where you’re going. You can even follow directions perfectly. But if the directions you’re using don’t match what’s around you, you’ll never reach your destination.

This is true for navigating the physical paths in life and for traveling the spiritual and intellectual byways that enhance our existence. The difference is that following the wrong life-map can end with tragic results.

How do we know whether we’re in the right area with the wrong map, in the wrong area with the right map, or in the right area with the right map?

Pay Attention to the Feedback You’re Getting!

That means watch, listen, and feel your results.

Do the results match what you expect? Are the results improving your life? Are they helping others? Are they bringing you closer to the destination you had in mind? Or, like my adventure above, are you just getting more confused because some things match while others make no sense?

It also reminded me that sometimes well intentioned people fail to give us all the information we need to follow their directions. It’s no fault of theirs; just that they might take something for granted that’s a key bit of information for our journey.

So always pay attention to the results you’re getting. If they don’t reasonably match what you expect, then maybe it’s time to check your map.

You Are the Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Sep 15 2013

Why Do You Care What Others’ Think?

Really; Why Do You Care What Others’ Think?

I used to worry so much about what others’ thought that I was paralyzed by fear. I put off doing things I loved because I might look foolish. I rarely tried new things for the same reason. I felt like I was walking in a spotlight, like everyone was watching, judging my every word and movement.

You might imagine the havoc that creates. How can you ever learn new things or improve when you’re terrified of trying because, “Someone might see me mess up…”

When I remember what it was like to live that way, I’m dumbstruck. Seriously, the energy it takes to constantly worry about what others’ think is exhausting! It’s hardly living. It’s like I was a prisoner, shackled in the cell of my fear!

Maybe you can relate to how that feels, maybe you can’t. I hope you can’t honestly because life is too short to let fear of people’s opinions rule you.

Here’s an example of how I used to let fear of others’ opinions control me:

Defeated

About 10 years ago I was working out almost every day. I’d go to the gym in the morning and exercise for two hours and then go to work. I was in great shape and I loved my time in the gym. For over a year I was a regular.

Then I missed a few days because of a family vacation. No big deal, right? Just get my butt back in the gym as soon as the vacation was over.

That’s the logical thing to do. Is that what I did?

Not so much.

I’d only missed five days, less than a week… I got up, got my things together, and drove to the gym. But when I got there, waves of fear and anxiety washed over me. I gripped the door handle in my car. But I couldn’t bring myself to open it. I wanted to, desperately. But the voices in my head were louder than my desire to workout.

I knew that my friends would think I was a fool for missing my workouts over the past few days.

I knew I’d let them down.

I knew I’d failed at my goal to get in the best shape of my life.

I knew they’d talk behind my back about my lack of dedication, that they’d point and jeer when I wasn’t looking…

After about 30 minutes sitting there, I tucked tail and drove to the office, defeated.

After that it became easier to miss my workouts. I was in a self-defeating cycle. I wouldn’t go to the gym because I feared others’ opinions. Each day I missed at the gym strengthened my fear of what they thought. You certainly understand the problem with this pattern. Soon I’d rationalized that I didn’t want to work out at the gym anyway. And because we moved before I learned to overcome my fear of what others’ thought, I never set foot in that gym again. In fact, I stopped working out for a few years after that and ended up in the worst physical shape of my life, which I overcame later—but that’s another story for another time.

I eventually overcame my fear of, what others’ thought, and learned some valuable lessons:

People’s opinions are their own. They have more to do with them than you (or me).
People are rarely watching us, judging our every action. And even if they are, So What? Who Cares What They Think!
You only control your actions. What other’s think is outside your control. So do what you know is right because its right and let others worry about themselves.
Relax your rules about being perfect. If you miss a day, or two, or ten doing something you want to do, then just stop the slide and take action. Get back in your routine as quickly as possible. Face it, life happens. Sometimes things are going to get in the way of what you want to do. Accept that up front and it’s easier to navigate through distractions and obstacles.
Every time you take action in the face of fear, the actions get easier. In time you forget that you were ever afraid.

Hopefully you’ve never experienced this type of fear personally. But if you have, that’s okay. You can get past it.

Start by asking yourself the following question…

What would happen if I stopped being afraid of that?

Then break the thing you want to do into the smallest possible step And Do That Step Now!

Keep repeating this process and you’ll soon discover your fear has vanished and you’re taking action on your dreams!

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Aug 17 2013

Why Me? Is a Very Dangerous Question.

Have you ever wondered, Why Me?

I used to wonder, Why Me? all the time. But you know what? Why Me? is a very dangerous question because it feeds the concept that you aren’t in control of your life. And while you aren’t always in control of the things that happen to you, you’re always in control of how you internalize it—the meaning you give those events. And the meanings you give events in your life are the cobblestones of your future.

Yeah, I know it’s easy for me to sit here and say you should avoid the question. So let me tell you a story about how I reframed an event in my life and the difference that made.

Not Today

I love motorcycles. Riding a motorcycle is like flying. Nothing compares to the wind against your skin, the changes in temperature, the scent of flowers, grass, and trees. There’s no roof to block your view of the countryside, no window frames to cut a scene in half. The ability to lean deep in a corner and shoot out the other side is like surfing an asphalt wave.

I smile just thinking about it.

A little over a year ago I was riding my motorcycle. I’d just left a client’s, and was heading back to the office, when it happened. I was on the on-ramp for the freeway. I was clear to the side. I checked over my shoulder and saw that there was ample room for me to merge with traffic. I looked forward again and was still clear. So I started to accelerate down the remainder of the on-ramp. I quickly checked over my shoulder again and was still clear. I looked forward… A minivan—slightly to the front and the left of me—was hard on its brakes cutting into my on-ramp lane, cutting me off.

This all happened in seconds…

I had nowhere to go. There was too much traffic on the freeway for me to shoot to the left. And I wasn’t going fast enough to merge with traffic anyway. Besides, the angle the minivan was traveling put it right in my path if I tried to veer left. So in an attempt to avoid the minivan, I immediately applied the front and rear brakes and tried to angle my bike to the right and off the road. But they were breaking too hard and cutting too sharply across my lane (the on-ramp). Then I tried to lay my bike down so I could kick off and at least slide it out.

No luck.

I was in a side-ways slide leaning at about a 45° angle, a second more and I’d have been able to lay the bike down and kick off. That’s when the minivan hit me, right behind the front wheel of my bike.

I thought, “Not Today!” And I thought of my wife and children and how much I love them.

I was launched off my bike like a human rocket, except I didn’t have a safety net. That’s right, I was airborne—at about 55mph…

Martial Arts Anyone?

Instinct, from many years of martial arts training, took over. I immediately tucked then I slammed into the ground and rolled, and rolled, and rolled… Seriously it felt like I tumbled forever! And it wasn’t like on the mat at karate either. This was like being stuck in an industrial-sized clothes dryer. WHAM! Thump, thump, thump, WHAM! Thump, thump, thump, WHAM!

A road-side marker finally stopped my roll somewhere between fifty and one-hundred feet up the freeway—I’m a little fuzzy on that part because my head (in a helmet thank you) hit the asphalt at least four times as I bounced along.

So I lay there with this road-side marker pressing into my lower back and I thought, “I’m glad I survived.” Then I thought again of my wife and my daughters and sons, and how glad I was that I’d get to see them again. I didn’t try to move because I didn’t know how bad the damage was. All I knew is that I hurt everywhere—and that’s a colossal understatement.

I continued to lay there while good Samaritans asked me questions. Then they helped me sit up while we waited for the ambulance. It was then, while waiting for the ambulance that I had a thought that surprised me at the time. “I wonder what the lesson in this is and who it’s for?”

I never wondered, “Why me?” In fact that was the farthest thing from my mind.

As I sat there, I mentally reviewed the events of the accident and my day up to that point and I never felt I should have done something differently. In fact, it seemed that everything had happened in a perfect orchestration to bring it to pass. So I knew there was a reason for it. I’m not sure what the reason was. I believe it was a lesson. Maybe it was for the lady who hit me, the people who pulled over and helped, the officer who arrived and investigated the accident, my family, me, or even the paramedics who took me to the ER—and who, at my suggestion, took pictures of my helmet to show in motorcycle safety presentations. Maybe it was a lesson about what you can survive if you wear your helmet and other motorcycle gear.

Truthfully, there are a lot of lessons in what happened that day. But they would have been lost on me if I’d been entrenched in, “Why Me?” That question would have led to anger and resentment. It would have placed me as the victim of the accident. And while I was physically traumatized, I would only become a victim if I believed it so.

Another nice byproduct of asking, “What lesson is in this?” instead of ,”Why Me?” is that it helped me easily forgive the woman who hit me. I could have put a lot of energy into blaming her for the accident and into feeling like she wronged me. But truthfully, I felt no anger toward her. It’s not like she woke up that morning and thought, “I’m gonna get me a motorcyclist today!” In fact she was very apologetic and concerned for my well-being.

So next time something happens to you that hurts, that you feel angry about, or that’s just plain out of your control, try leaving Why Me? behind and asking better questions instead.

Questions like, “What lessons are in this?” And, “How can I use this to help others?” are a great place to start. Seek the knowledge and understanding that the experience offers you. You’ll be glad you did.

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Success

Walk Your Own Path

It Doesn’t Matter Where They Think The Path Leads If It’s Not Your Path.

You Are You. Your Path is Your Path. No One Else Can Walk It. No One Else Can Tell You What It Is.

What if You Haven’t Discovered Your True Path?

How Do I Live My True Path?

So, What is The Truth About Tomorrow?

Could’a Been

Have you ever been lost?

I Was Using The Wrong Map

Pay Attention to the Feedback You’re Getting!

Why Do You Care What Others’ Think?

Defeated

What would happen if I stopped being afraid of that?

Have you ever wondered, Why Me?

Not Today

Martial Arts Anyone?

Double Your Motivation to Exercise!