Choice

Feb 16 2019

What Makes You Happy?

What Really Makes One Happy?

I find that I no longer think in terms of does something make me happy or make me anything. My emotions are the response of the rules I unconsciously apply to every situation or event in life. I live very much in the now. I feel happy. I feel love. I feel peace. Sometimes I feel emotions that are less than desirable in the moment. And everything is as it is.

I love what I do. That’s my choice, feeling love for the privilege of supporting others. I do my best every day and I accept my best as my best while continually learning, growing, and improving.

Emotions are Driving Forces in Our Lives. Fighting Emotions Makes them More Powerful

Emotions are like waves, washing in and out of my life. Sometimes they are signals to take action, sometimes they are like the sun casting crimson rays over the ocean as it settles in for the night, and always they are beautiful.

Every day is amazing, pristine in its wealth of possibilities, perfect in its imperfections. And truthfully, the only thing that make a perceived imperfection is my desire for something to be different. When I desire something to be different, I take actions, pay attention to feedback, and keep adjusting course—while still loving each day for the gift it is. Even perceived imperfections are gifts guiding me on my path of personal evolution.

Change Your Perspective, Change Your Life

As I accept each day as it is—while always doing my best to be my best, to learn, to evolve, to serve others—I experience the beauty of now.

What makes you happy?

Roland

#Happy #Happiness #PersonalAccountability #Choice #Reality #Perspective #BeautyOfNow #Love #Peace

Dec 01 2016

The Problem With Respect

Does Anyone Truly Deserve REspect

Respect is Tricky

Have Some Respect! Show Respect! I Deserve Respect! I’m sure you’ve heard, thought, or seen statements like those. I certainly have. But respect—or the lack of—causes many problems. Families have been torn apart by feuds when members felt they were disrespected. Countless children have been punished for acting disrespectfully to their parents, teachers, or other authority figures. Employees have lost their jobs over issues of respect. Some people even get violently upset if they don’t get respect. In fact, throughout history dictators and tyrants have routinely executed people who failed to show them respect.

Is it really worth that much pain?

The truth is, only you can decide if respect is worth creating chaos and discord in your life. But first we must understand what it really is and where its roots lie.

Here’s Merriam-Webster’s definition of Respect:

A feeling of admiring someone or something that is good, valuable, important, etc.
A feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and should be treated in an appropriate way.

Let’s look at the definition, hear its meaning, and feel the concepts. When we think someone or something is good, valuable, or important we’re naturally going to feel respect for that person or thing. So respect for that person or thing is an expected outgrowth of the value we think they or it have in our lives. When we feel that level of regard for a person or thing we’re certainly going to treat them or it in an appropriate way. Once again, when high esteem comes from within us we behave accordingly without external force or coercion.

And that’s how it should be. True respect isn’t something that can be forced out of us, or that we can force from others. When its outward appearance comes from force or compulsion, it’s really disguised fear we’re seeing. And that’s totally different because it isn’t a behavior intrinsically manifesting as a result of value received, it’s a behavior manifesting from fear of punishment or harm.

So why do people get upset when they aren’t getting respect or when something or someone they think deserves respect isn’t getting it?

Ego. I know. That little word keeps popping up in our lives. It’s a dichotic beast that both serves and plagues us as we learn to coexist peacefully with it.

When we—or others—feel disrespected we’re really feeling that we deserve to be treated as someone that is good, valuable, or important to the person or persons showing us disrespect. It’s clear isn’t it? Feeling disrespected can only come from feeling inadequate and seeking external validation of our personal worth. And when we feel angry because another person or thing isn’t getting the respect—we think—it deserves, that’s ego too because we’re feeling threatened that another doesn’t find the same value in the person or thing that we do.

But that brings up two very important questions.

Are we truly providing the value necessary to foster feelings of respect from others?
If we are providing that level of value, do we truly deserve respect?

Consider this: Does anyone truly deserve respect?

If respect is the natural result of the perceived value added to someone’s life then there’s no deserving involved. The concept of deserving means I’ve done this and therefore must receive that in exchange. Or it can mean because I am who I am, you should give me that—based solely on the merits of who I am. You, of course, understand the flaws in this thinking.

Respect is a river of added value flowing through the lives of those who feel it. If the value ceases then the waters feeding respect eventually cease to flow. When that happens it’s up to the recipient of the value to either hold onto their feelings of respect or let them wither. But the key is it’s up to them. You cannot force another to feel respect for you or something you hold in high regard because you cannot force others to feel anything. Their feelings are based on their thoughts and choices, and while perhaps influenced by your actions aren’t created by them.

So the next time you feel disrespected, ask yourself, “Am I truly providing the value necessary to receive their respect?” And even better, remember that no one truly deserves respect. How can they? It’s is a gift. If you receive it, wonderful! If you don’t, that’s okay! Go on living your life as best you can and let others decide how they feel about your value because in the end it’s up to them.

Always Remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

#Respect #InnerPeace #Deserve #PersonalTransformation #Mindset #MentalGame#SelfWorth #SelfLove #Mindfullness

Life 180 University

The Problem With Respect

00:00 / 5:50

May 01 2016

How to Deal with Life’s Surprises

Life’s Surprises

How Changing Your Focus Changes Your Life

Life is full of surprises, unexpected things that can easily alter the path we’re on. Sometimes the surprises are small. Sometimes they’re huge. Sometimes they help us and sometimes they set us back. Regardless, they can alter our life’s course in ways that either improve our lives or not. It’s up to us because the way these things change our lives depends on how we interpret the events, on the meaning we give them.

For now, let’s talk about the unexpected things that set us back. They’re the ones that can derail us if we allow them to.

It’s a simple concept and maybe because of that it’s one of the things we—as humans—have the hardest time grasping. We get to choose what we do with our lives. We get to choose whether unexpected setbacks are small hiccups—spiritually, psychologically, emotionally—or whether they’re roadblocks.

Understand, the difference between a hiccup and a roadblock isn’t in the surprise itself. The events don’t change. They’ve happened and cannot be undone. It’s how we see them, feel them, hear them, the way we internalize these surprises and what we decide they mean makes the difference. That’s what impacts how they shape us.

That might seem odd. Think of it this way. We choose how we interpret events. The choices we make shape our perception of life. Our perception of life shapes the choices we make which in turn shapes the way we choose to interpret events. If we regularly give disempowering meaning to life’s surprises, the pattern creates a nice negative-feedback loop.

If we’re unaware of this we can easily fall victim to learned behaviors and steadily spiral in the direction of the loop we’re stuck in. Each cycle then reinforces the last. We release our ability to consciously shape our lives.

Living with the belief that we’ve no say in our lives is a sad state indeed. But what happens when we stop the cycle?

Changing your perspective changes your life.

When We Break the Cycle of Negative-Feedback and Start Choosing the Meaning We Give Events, We Truly Step into Our Power because We Start Choosing Our Life Instead of just Accepting It.

Here’s an example of how powerful it is to change the meaning we give something.

When I was in high school I was a mediocre student. I got A’s and B’s in the classes I cared about and Cs and Ds in the classes I didn’t like. I loved science and disliked math. That’s an odd disparity perhaps, but it’s where I was at the time.

When it came time to pick my senior year classes I wanted to take Physics. I got an unpleasant surprise when I found that a pre-requisite for Physics was pre-Calculus. I’d never taken math above Geometry—and I’d failed that because I never did the homework or studied.

It seemed I was stuck.

At that point I could have started beating myself up mentally for not doing better in math. I could have complained about how unfair the system was. I could have felt sorry for myself and blamed others for my situation. In truth; those were behaviors that were normal for me back then.

But I really wanted to take Physics! So instead of doing those things—and reinforcing those patterns—I did something unusual for me at the time. I took action!

I mustered my courage, went to the teacher, Mr. Jose, and I pleaded with him to let me try the class. I told him I knew I could do it and that I’d transfer out if I wasn’t cutting it.

He agreed to make an exception and let me enroll.

I had to study and get some help in the beginning because the higher math concepts were new to me, but overall, once I discovered how math was applied in Physics, it came easily to me. I ended up with an A in Physics for the year—quite a feat for someone who’d never had the pre-requisite math before taking the class!

As you understand, when our desire for something is great enough, we’ll step outside our comfort zone and take unusual action. When we change our focus it changes the meaning of things. When my desire to take Physics overrode my pattern of self-defeating behavior, I viewed the fact that I didn’t have the required courses as a setback instead of a roadblock. That’s what helped me have the courage to speak to Mr. Jose about taking his class.

As you go through the day today remember that you choose the meaning of the events in your life. Do your best to discover the positive in all situations. Do this. Make it a habit and you’re life will change dramatically.

Always Remember:

You Are the Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

#Success #ChangeYourFocus #MasterYourDestiny

Apr 11 2016

Are Your Problems as Big as They Seem?

The Power of Identity and Perspective

Are your problems as big as they seem? It’s a question you might not have considered. After all, when you’re mired in your own problems they feel huge…

But are they really?

Whether their problems are as big as they seem is a question many people never consider. For some, they don’t understand that they control their perception of an issue. The concept is outside of their awareness. They simply have no idea that they can choose their thoughts or that their thoughts shape their reality. Other’s might have an inkling that they can choose the meaning they give things. But asking themselves if their problems are really as big as they seem might cause them to pull back, to gain some perspective and think about things differently. Gaining a different perspective of their issues might cause them to understand that things aren’t as bad as they thought.

What’s wrong with that? Understanding when things aren’t as bad as they thought is a good thing, right? You’d think people would welcome new understanding of their problems. But the sticking point is that many people wrap their identity up in their problems. When that happens they’re unlikely to be proactive about them.

Why?

What happens if their problems go away it? It threatens their identity. Yes, you read that correctly. Solving their problems causes them to have an identity crisis.

When someone’s identity is intertwined with their struggles, solving those issues endangers their ego’s foundation. If there’s one thing the ego can’t stand it’s having an identity crisis! Our identity is the bases for our behavioral theme—the type of actions we take consistently. If a person’s identity is that they are generous, then most of their actions will align with generosity. If their identity is that they’re tough, then most of their actions will help reinforce—to them at least—how tough they are.

The Power of Identity

Regardless of how Helpful or Harmful Their Identity is, People’s Behavior will Reinforce Their Beliefs about Themselves.

We all have a primary identity, the cornerstone of our behavior, and many sub-identities that we live out. In fact; it’s possible to have one sub-identity for each major area of our lives. And each of these drives our behavior in those areas. Any shift in behavior or thinking that challenges our identity causes the subconscious mind to fight back.

Why? Our subconscious minds are constantly working to make sure our behavior aligns with our identities.

When you alter your behavior without modifying your identity it’s hard to make lasting changes.

What does this have to do with how big your problems are?

If part or all of your identity is related to your problems then your subconscious mind and ego both have reason to keep you from solving the problems. You might consciously want to fix the problems but your subconscious will work against you. One of the methods the subconscious mind will use is to look for evidence that problems are insurmountable. It exaggerates them. This often leads to feeling overwhelmed, which is a primary reason many fail to address problem areas of their lives. It can also cause feelings of hopelessness—that the problem is unsolvable—and that also increases the likelihood that the issues will remain unaddressed.

Since you’re reading this, you’re the type of person who either wants to change something in your life or are committed to being better every day. And you’re probably wondering how to combat this.

The first step is awareness. Yes, if part of your identity is attached to your problems this is going to be very uncomfortable. That’s okay. Discomfort is prerequisite to growth. Just being aware that your identity drives your behavior, and that your subconscious might be working against you, allows you to take action.

Here’s a great place to start. Ask yourself, “What is my life like when that problem is solved?” and, “How do I act when that problem is gone?” Grab a pad of paper and jot down the questions and the answers you get. Now take the answers and on another page write them down in present tense. Then take the page and post it somewhere that you’ll see it a few times every day. Read these to yourself, out loud, at least twice a day.

As you’re going through your day, remind yourself of the new actions and choices you’re making and how your life is when the problem is resolved. And do your best to be that way. When you do this, you’re helping your subconscious mind adopt a new identity for that area of your life. As your new identity becomes stronger, your behavior will start to change!

Always Remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Life 180 University

Are Your Problems as Big as They Seem?

00:00 / 5:33

Mar 25 2016

Are You Accidentally or Consciously Controlling Your Life?

You Are in Control of Your Life.

But are you accidentally controlling it? Are you blown around like a leaf, at the mercy of the wind? Or are you consciously controlling your life? Are you aware that you have a choice or of the impact your choices have? Do you know the difference between the two and what can you do to make the shift?

Listen to today’s podcast and discover the answers!

Life 180 University

Are You Accidentally or Consciously Controlling Your Life?

00:00 / 10:15

Choice

What Really Makes One Happy?

Respect is Tricky

So why do people get upset when they aren’t getting respect or when something or someone they think deserves respect isn’t getting it?

Consider this: Does anyone truly deserve respect?

Life’s Surprises

How Changing Your Focus Changes Your Life

When We Break the Cycle of Negative-Feedback and Start Choosing the Meaning We Give Events, We Truly Step into Our Power because We Start Choosing Our Life Instead of just Accepting It.

Are Your Problems as Big as They Seem?

The Power of Identity and Perspective

Regardless of how Helpful or Harmful Their Identity is, People’s Behavior will Reinforce Their Beliefs about Themselves.

You Are in Control of Your Life.

Double Your Motivation to Exercise!