Develop Empathy

Oct 01 2015

The Worth of a Person

What’s The Worth of a Person?

I saw this quote from J.K. Rowling, “If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

That revved my mind into high gear. While this quote has great truth to it, and applies to both men and women, I wondered why we feel there must be superiors, inferiors, and equals. What’s the point? Where to do draw the line? Does anything good come from making those distinctions and are they even valid?

It depends on the situation. Let’s be clear:

The Worth of a Person is Intrinsic.

I’ll come back to that later. First, let’s look at a few different scenarios.

If you examine a work situation, really look at it, those titles can serve a purpose. They determine who is ultimately responsible for the results—desired or not—that a department, division, or company is getting. They also help workflow and productivity by giving one person the authority to direct another’s actions. That prevents people from milling around with no direction. It also helps one person—or team—with a greater understanding of the whole process make sure things are running smoothly. Think of it this way, a single gear in the watch doesn’t need to understand exactly how its turning contributes to the hands moving. But the watchmaker must understand the whole system to make quality watches.

The same things apply to the military, law enforcement, the government, and all other organizations that involve or employ large numbers of people. The people with superior rank, title, or job function have more responsibility and are expected to both understand the greater scope of the organization’s purpose and to drive it toward those ends.

But does that make them superior as people, as human beings?

No!

As I said above, The Worth of a Person is Intrinsic. Your worth is built in, you were born with it, you’ll die with it, it never changes and it’s as great as everyone else’s.

The relative worth of individuals in a society is different from their worth as humans. Your worth in society comes from the value you add—in one form or another. And it has nothing to do with your worth as a person.

You Understand.

We like our labels though.

Sadly many people confuse their work function with their identity. They feel that since they’re labeled inferior in job status to another, that this makes them inferior in life or as a person. This is far from the truth. Your work is your work. If you don’t like it…Change It! If you like it…Keep It! But your work has nothing to do with your worth as a person. Your worth as a person is infinite, just as you are. It isn’t something you can change or that is changed by what you do, what you have, or how you live.

You have limitless potential. We all do. Whether you tap into your potential is another story, and it’s entirely up to you. But whether or not you develop yourself has no bearing on your worth.

There’s also the tendency, in many societies, to segment people based on geography, income, education, career, religious beliefs, etc. These differentiations of human value are ridiculous. At the core, all humans are of equal and tremendous worth. Every single one! That means no matter what part of the world you live in, no matter what your education level or your income or your job or your religious beliefs or your skin color, you are worth just as much as every other human being that exists. Period!

Are You Getting The Message?

You Are Worth as Much as Everyone Else!

This understanding carries responsibility with it. As you understand that your inherent worth is as great as every other human being, you must also accept that every other human being is inherently worth as much as you. This means you must act with love, patience, kindness, mercy, and compassion with everyone. You must treat all others the way you want to be treated. It means you must live the golden rule.

Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You.

Live it!

None of us are perfect. But we all have perfect potential. We can all grow into the best version of ourselves.

J.K. Rowling’s words are accurate.

“If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

People are revealed by how they act towards those they hold in lower esteem than themselves. But that’s the key. It’s their opinion of the other person that shapes their behavior. And their opinion has nothing to do with the reality of the person’s worth. The opinion of others has nothing to do with your worth. Just as your opinion has nothing to do with the worth of others.

As you go through your day, today, tomorrow, and from now on, please look at others with the new awareness that they are worth as much as you. And please look at yourself with the new awareness that you are worth as much as everyone else, worth even as much as the most amazing person you know.

Let’s do this!

You Are the Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

#GoldenRule #SelfWorth

Jun 17 2015

You’ll Never Cure Hate with Hate

Hate is such an ugly thing.

Why is there so much hate in our world? What does it accomplish? Does it make the person who hates feel better? Does it solve any problems? Does it impart social, spiritual, economic, or personal change and growth?

What do you think?

Hatred is bred from many things. It can come from intolerance, sadness, and anger. It can be learned—whole generations on our planet feel hatred toward others only because they were taught to. It can come from lack of empathy—those who fail to understand others sometimes fear them, which can lead to hate if they fail to seek understanding. It often comes from fear; fear of change, fear of harm, fear of the unknown, fear of pain…

No matter where hate’s roots form, the plant they grow is withered and twisted, a blight on life’s light. It sucks joy from life as quickly as the burning sun sucks water from the desert. And none can hate without damaging themselves more than the object of their hatred because to feel hatred for someone, one must repeatedly think of the things they hate about them. They must focus on them with burning anger and stoke those flames daily.

A Warning to Those Who Hate…It Consumes You, Devouring Love and Joy, Leaving an Empty Shell in the End.

Is that what you want?

Of course not!

Hating another also gives them power over you because you’ll find yourself shaping your life and actions based on decisions born of hatred… And answering hatred with hatred is no answer at all. That destroys both parties.

Imagine this, hate is like a stone. When you answer hate with hate it’s like slamming two stones against each other. What happens? They chip or shatter.

Love is like water. When you throw the stone of hate into the water of love it sinks. Sure it splashes and breaks the surface, but then it sinks and the surface heals. In the end the water of love is undamaged and it embraces the stone of hate. It surrounds the stone of hate and wears it away. Given enough time the stone is gone and the waters of love flow on.

Think of this: Gandhi changed the world with love. Mother Theresa changed the world with love. Martin Luther King changed the world with love. And so have many others, perhaps not on such a grand scale, but they changed it nonetheless.

Sure, they may have hated how something was, but they didn’t focus on that. They used their feelings of disquiet and angst to fuel their desire to have a positive impact on the world. They focused on changing the world through love.

The only antidote for hate is love.

What are you going to do?

You are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Life 180 University

You’ll Never Cure Hate with Hate

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Mar 02 2015

Do What’s Right—Because it’s Right!

Do What’s Right!

First off, let’s define Good or Right behavior as behavior that’s healthy emotionally, psychologically, physically, & spiritually. A good measure is the Golden Rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Now, think about the good people you know; the one’s you know are good because their consistent actions prove it. Do you think they’re good because they’re afraid of getting in trouble? Do you think they’re good because they’re afraid of breaking the rules?

Of course not!

They act the way they do because they have an internal compass with True North pointing straight to Goodness. It’s part of who they are. Perhaps they developed this intrinsic understanding and desire to do good as children. Maybe they learned this as adults.

But the key is this:

They Do What’s Right, Because It’s Right, Because it Comes From Within.

Why is This Important?

When people do what’s right because they fear repercussions, they’re either masking behavior, they don’t understood why certain behaviors are harmful, or they haven’t learned to cope differently with certain situations and are just doing their best to conform.

Take the person who texts and drives for example. They might avoid the behavior as best they can because they don’t want to get in trouble. But if they truly understood that texting while driving can either take another’s life or their own life, they simply wouldn’t do it. They might know it in their head, they might even have the statistics memorized, but until they truly understand the danger and internalize the value of human life they’ll most likely revert to the behavior occasionally.

Over a long period of time following rules or doing what’s right because of fear can create habits of healthy behavior. But it’s not a method that always develops an internal compass pointed toward emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically healthy behavior. That only happens when the individual internalizes changes and truly understands why they are necessary. And that happens with soul-searching and a true desire to change.

How Do We Affect Internal Change, and Realign Our Internal Compass?

Here’s one simple method to start:

First: Identify the behavior that needs to change.

Reflecting on what’s causing consistent conflict in your life is a good place to start. If you’re unsure then ask a friend or loved one. And be ready for their answer because chances are you won’t like it. But if you’re committed to changing your life, you’ll listen.

(Admittedly, this part can be difficult at first. We all have blind spots and it can help to have a trusted therapist, counselor, or coach on this part of your journey. The farther you get on the road to wholeness the easier this part gets because you gain self-awareness.)

Second: Ask yourself the following questions:

If your behavior is directed toward others, ask:
- How would I feel if someone else treated me that way?
If your behavior is directed at yourself—self-inflicted—ask:
- Would I treat others that way?
If you would never treat others that way, then ask:
- Why would I treat myself like that?
- How would I feel if someone else treated me that way?
- Would I tolerate it? (We often treat ourselves much harsher than we’d ever accept from others)

Now that you’ve gained some awareness about why the behavior is unhealthy or outright harmful, it’s time for the biggest step in this process.

Ask yourself:

What will I do differently in the future if I find myself in that—or a similar—situation?

Take a few minutes and write down what you’ll do differently in the future. Think about how you’ll respond. How you’ll treat others. How you’ll come to a peaceful resolution. How you might avoid the situation entirely.

It also helps to envision the scenario and see, hear, and feel yourself resolving it in an emotionally healthy manner.

And always remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Image of Compass: By Darolu (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)

Mar 21 2014

Healing Your Past

Many people carry painful past experiences with them like badges of honor. It’s as if they say, I survived this and that gives me meaning. And that’s okay. But what does it do to their life moving forward?

That depends on the meaning they give the event they survived.

The very idea of surviving something implies that it could have destroyed you. Some things can destroy us emotionally, some physically, some spiritually, and some cognitively. But unless an event ends your life or removes your ability to think cohesively, you always have control over the meaning you give it.

I know, I said that already. That’s because it’s important. So please pay attention and remember this:

You Always Have Control Over The Meaning You Give Events.

And that’s key to healing your past!

Even now, if something terrible happened to you in the past, you can make the choice to give it a different meaning. You have the power to change something from an anchor that holds you captive in the past to a sail of hope that carries you into your brilliant future. And it can be as simple as asking yourself the question, What meaning can I give this (that event) that will empower me and help others?

Let’s do this together.

*Warning: you might want someone with you for moral support—and to help you stay in the present moment—when you do this the first few times. A counselor, therapist, or good friend are all great choices. If none of those are available, you can start with a smaller event, something that’s nagging instead of devastating. Once you master this technique it gets easier to do and in time you’ll be able to do it at will and you’ll even do it with events as they happen.*

Think of something from your past that’s painful to recall:

Here’s mine. This is something I haven’t thought of in years and when I remembered it I felt that emotional twinge that tells me I’ve never fully dealt with it.

When I was eight I had a step-father who thought it was a good idea to show my older brother and me just how powerful a 44-magnum handgun was. So he took us into the woods near our home and found a wild rabbit that was peacefully eating with its back to us.

He pulled out his 44, took aim, and shot the rabbit. The rabbit vanished in a puff of fur. To see that innocent life ended so violently was horrifying enough, but as I fought to hold back my tears—because I knew they were a sign of weakness to him—he walked my brother and me over to the place the rabbit had been just moments before. Then he laughingly showed us the pitiful remains of the small animal. I’ll spare you the details.

At the time I felt scared, small, and powerless. Whether it was his intent or not, killing that rabbit in front of me and my brother felt like a deliberate display of power, like a threat from a man who easily outweighed me by two-hundred pounds, and who I feared already. I also felt sad at the senseless taking of the small animal’s life.

Since I’m doing this with you, I’ll now ask myself the question, “What meaning can I give this that will empower me and help others?”

The meanings I choose now are these:

I learned valuable lessons that day, that help me and allow me to better serve others.

I learned that in the core of my being I know how valuable life is and that it should never be wasted—no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it is.
I learned about the power of empathy. I truly felt for that small creature and mourned for its passing.
I learned how something that might seem trivial to one can have life-altering meaning for another. That means we should always be cognizant of the potential impact of our actions on others.
I learned that we should never abuse our power. No matter who we are or what we can do, we should never deliberately harm others.

So, with these new meanings I forgive my step-father and now release the pain of the event.

I sincerely hope you try this method. It can be scary, it can even be painful. But if you do it carefully, in the presence of those who can help uplift and support you, I think you’ll find it works wonders in healing your past, giving greater meaning to your present, and opening your sails to an amazing new future.

Remember:

You are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Feb 04 2013

Follow Your Heart or Follow the Herd

You Can Follow Your Heart or Follow the Herd

I woke up one morning and realized I was following the safe path. I was following the course society set for me in my career and in my life. I wasn’t following my heart. I was living as the victim of my history, shackling myself with beliefs and actions other’s dictated, afraid to forge through the pain of change because the pain of existing in numbness and despair was what I knew. I was following the herd.

After all, aren’t we taught to be consistent? Aren’t we taught to play it safe?

But ironically the safe path I followed was only safe because it was what I knew. The path I was on was fraught with anguish, anger, despair, self-loathing, and narcissism. I was so busy trying to protect myself from anything that could possibly harm me, that I’d become a loathsome creature indeed.

Then I woke up. I decided there must be a better way and that even if it killed me, I was going to find it because my family deserved better from me. Life and God deserved better from me. I made the decision that no matter what, I’d succeed. I started following my heart. And I forged ahead, and forged ahead, and forged ahead…

Waking up was a painful process. It took courage and perseverance. It taught me that I was stronger than I’d ever imagined, that I was softer than I knew, and that I could truly care for others. Waking up taught me that I could change, overcome old programming, choose who I was (or perhaps awaken to who I’d always been under all the pain and madness), and become that person. Waking up was the best thing I ever did. It’s the reason I’m still here. It’s the reason I write this blog and write books to help others.

I started waking up almost six years. Since then I’ve committed myself to living every day to the best of my abilities, to learning and growing continually, and to helping others.

Are you ready to wake up?

If you said, “Yes”. Then you’ll love my new book that’s coming soon. It helps those who know they must change, but don’t know where, or how to start, find their way through the confusion and pain of change. I am still finding the title. Check back often for updates.

For now please enjoy this visual poem Revelation, by Charolette Davies.

And always remember,

You Are the Master of Your Destiny!

Roland Byrd

Develop Empathy

What’s The Worth of a Person?

The Worth of a Person is Intrinsic.

Are You Getting The Message?

Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You.

Hate is such an ugly thing.

A Warning to Those Who Hate…It Consumes You, Devouring Love and Joy, Leaving an Empty Shell in the End.

Do What’s Right!

They Do What’s Right, Because It’s Right, Because it Comes From Within.

How Do We Affect Internal Change, and Realign Our Internal Compass?

Healing Your Past

You Always Have Control Over The Meaning You Give Events.

You Can Follow Your Heart or Follow the Herd

Double Your Motivation to Exercise!