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Roland Byrd

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Forgiveness

May 21 2019

The Power of Forgiveness

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Why is Forgiveness so Powerful?

First, let’s clear up some common misconceptions about forgiveness. There seems to be a belief—at least in western society—that forgiveness means you’re saying that, “Whatever happened is okay.”

That is the farthest thing from the truth. Forgiveness simply means that you are letting go of the pain that you’ve been holding onto because of whatever it was that happened.

Forgiveness means letting go of the pain

Let’s clear that up first. You can forgive someone else or even yourself without necessarily saying that whatever happened was okay because maybe it wasn’t okay. Maybe it will never be okay. That happens. And if that’s the case, fine. Forgiving yourself or them might never make it okay.

Forgive Anyway Because Forgiving is Just Letting Go.

Let’s get really clear on that. Forgiving means letting go of the pain that you’ve been holding onto because of whatever happened in the past.

When you let go of that pain, you’ll be able to start enjoying life again. You’ll be able to start feeling better about yourself because forgiveness also means taking your life and your power back!

Forgiveness gives you the power to take control of your life

When you’re holding onto pain or anger or hate or whatever-it-is because of something that happened, then you’re giving up a part of your life to that event or that other person. You’re giving them control over you. You’re giving them control over what you’re doing, what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling…

We’ve all seen the people who go through life as bitter, hollow shells of themselves because of something that happened.

That’s a Choice. You can Let Go of the Pain.

There are also people you’ve seen who had something really horrible happen and they let it go and they go on to live normal, healthy, happy, productive lives because they let it go.

Forgiveness gives you the power to take back control of your life. Imagine that whatever happened is an anchor on the end of a massive chain and it’s holding you back. When you forgive, you cut the chain! Thus freeing yourself up to start moving again now, to start being a part of life now, to start loving and caring fully now, to start being vulnerable again now, to start allowing yourself to experience the full beauty of life now.

When you forgive, you cut the chains of the old negative emotions you were holding onto. You Let It Go Now and take your power back!

Forgiveness also allows you to take back the energy that was expended in staying in that angry, hurtful, hateful, whatever-it-was state. It takes energy to stay there. Forgiveness allows you to take that energy back and instead of using it to maintain that old state, it allows you to take that energy back and start using it in a more productive way in your life. It allows you to move forward, to break free! It allows you to start living again!

Forgiving Ourselves

Sometimes the person we have to forgive most is ourselves. When that’s the case… Do It. Learn what you need to learn so you’ll never repeat whatever-it-was that happened and move on, because you can’t take anything back. You can’t undo something you did. Someone else can’t undo something that they did. Things that have happened, have happened. The difference is going to be what meaning are you giving it.

When you forgive, you can start using whatever-it-was that happened, whether it was you or someone else who did it or whether it was an act of God or act of nature—horrible things sometimes happen that are completely random—for your good. When you forgive and you change the meaning, then you’re able to move more easily and effortlessly through life.

If you’re wondering how you can start? You can start by asking yourself questions like these:

“What can I learn from what happened?”

“What can I take from that that can be positive, that can help me be a better person?”

“What can I take from that that can help me help others?”

“How can I use whatever-it-was that happened to help me be a force for good in this world?”

Start asking yourself better questions and Cut Those Chains! Forgive so you can more easily and effortlessly move on with your life.

Always Remember:

You Are the Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Ready for Change? Schedule your free coaching consultation here: https://calendly.com/180-u/nlp-consultation

#SelfAware #Forgiveness #Forgive #Awareness #SelfCare #Mindset #Mindfulness #Failure #Success #Champion #Learning #Questions #SubconsciousMind #Empower #Goals #Mastery #MentalGame #Attitude #MentalAttitude #EmotionalState #Motivation #VictimMentality #SuccessMentality #Inspire #Achievement #Emotions #ManageEmotions #SelfHelp #Healing #Results #Mind #MindPower #HowTo #SelfTalk

Life 180 University: Get Your Mind Right & Your Body Will Follow
Life 180 University
The Power of Forgiveness
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Written by Roland · Categorized: MindSet Mastery, Transformational · Tagged: Cut the Chain, Emotions, Empower, Forgive, Forgiveness, Healing, Let it go, Mindfulness, Self Care, Self-Aware, Subconscious Mind

Jul 27 2017

How to Recognize When You’re Emotionally Triggered and What to Do About It

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Have you ever been emotionally triggered?

So… You’re Emotionally Triggered

Have you ever had one of those moments when something happens that triggers a powerful emotional response? We don’t always know the roots of these visceral reactions. And we don’t necessarily need to. But we do have to keep our heads.

I had one of those reactions the other evening. Understand, I’ve had years of training in managing my emotions. I meditate almost every day. And I still flipped into an instant fight or flight reflex. But I kept my head—that’s where all of the training really pays off.

I was at the dinner table with my family. We’d finished eating and my younger children were goofing off a little. I was talking to my wife intently when, WHAM! Something slammed into the table right next to me, startling me. But it didn’t just startle me. It scared me. I was instantly fight ready because I thought I was being attacked. I spun in my seat and saw my 13 year old son looking at me. Startled by my reaction, his eyes were wide as saucers.

It Was Instant Fight or Flight!

I didn’t know then why I was reacting the way I was. It’s hard to recognize the cause when we’re in the middle of a triggered response. I figured out later; it had to do with childhood trauma, like a PTSD reaction. But at the moment I only knew I was overreacting on a massive scale. And that’s key. I understood that my reaction was way out of proportion to the event. So I got up and went to my room. Then I started meditating.

A few minutes later I heard my wife calling my name. I didn’t want to stop meditating. My reaction had morphed from fight or flight to fury. I could see that I was still hip-deep in over-reaction to the situation but I was working through it. Still, something in her tone compelled me to pause.

I opened the bedroom door and told her where I was and that I was there so I could cool off. She thanked me and then asked me to get rid of a bug that had snuck in the house.

Really? A bug? She was interrupting my meditation for a bug?

As I went downstairs to deal with the bug, my first thought was I’d smash it with my foot. I’d show that creature what happens to uninvited insect interlopers in my home!

But as I came upon the little creature I asked myself, “What did this beetle do to you?” Sure it was in my house. And yes we spray for bugs, so it would have died anyway if it stayed inside. But to smash it in anger? A death sentence for interrupting my mediation? That wasn’t right. It was an innocent bystander or maybe it was a gift, exactly what I needed at the time to put everything in perspective. In either case I scooped the beetle up on some paper, carried it outside, and set it free.

Let there be peace on earth and Let it begin with me

Then I went back upstairs and meditated using Ho’oponopono for about 10 minutes. But this time I was able to quickly calm down. That’s when I saw that my reaction at the table was linked to abuse I’d suffered as a child. That also when I truly understood that my 13 year old son was also an innocent bystander in the situation. He hadn’t meant to startle or scare me. He was just playing around and accidentally knocked a heavy water bottle over on the table. Granted, he smashed it over is more accurate. But it was still a mistake. Besides, even if he had done it deliberately, his behavior never merited my initial reaction. Period.

Ho'oponopono: I love you, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you

I finished meditating, went downstairs, and apologized to my son and family for overreacting. I explained that I’d realized I was overreacting and had left the room so I could calm down.

What Does Getting Triggered Mean?

Let’s take a moment and discuss what it means to get triggered, ways to recognize that you’ve been triggered, and some things you can do to keep your head and get back to normal when it happens.

Getting triggered means your subconscious mind plays an instantaneous, scripted response to a situation. These responses are patterns your subconscious mind stored in answer to painful, traumatic, or otherwise (emotionally or physically) dangerous events in your past. They are pure mental-reflex reactions. When a similar event occurs your subconscious mind fires off what it deems the appropriate pattern for the situation. Think of it as an emotional flash-bang grenade.

The problem is these triggered reactions are almost never appropriate to future events. As soon as your subconscious mind thinks it recognizes the pattern it created the reaction for, it gets launched. As you know, many things have similar parts and still aren’t the same. It’s like saying all sports cars have tires so all vehicles with tires are sports cars. We know that isn’t true consciously but our unconscious mind sees the pattern of tires and says, “I know just what to do when faced with tires!” How ridiculous does that sound?

You understand how damaging triggered reactions can be. But how do we know when we’re having one?

Ways to Recognize You’ve Been Triggered (How do You Know When You Get Triggered?)

If You’re Having a Triggered Response, You might experience one of the following:

  • Feel anger like a flash-fire or become overly emotional
  • Have trouble thinking clearly
  • React without thinking
  • Either want to, or actually behave in a way you normally wouldn’t
  • Say things you’d never normally say
  • Fixate on the person, event, or thing that upset you
  • Feel like you have to get even
  • Feel physically threatened when there’s no actual danger

 

What You Can Do When You Get Triggered:

  • Recognize you’re overreacting
  • If appropriate, tell the people involved that you know you’re overreacting
  • Leave the situation
    • If appropriate, come back when you’ve calmed down
  • Take a few deep breaths
  • Ask yourself, “What else could this mean?”
  • Use Ho’oponopono on the feelings you’re having
  • Avoid making major life decisions
  • Never harm yourself or others
  • Never discipline when you’re in the middle of a triggered reaction

 

For more ideas on breaking patterns in your life read: Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming Patterns and Behaviors That Hold You Back

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

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Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Emotional Triggers, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Ho'oponopono

Jul 01 2017

You Can Love More

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We all can love moreYou Can Love More.

It’s easy to say, “You can love more”. But why does love matter? What does loving more really mean?

First, let me tell you about an experience I had a short time ago:

How can I help more people? How can I make a bigger difference, empower more people to change?

These questions tugged at the fringes of my mind, heavy with urgency while I hovered at the edge of darkness. I unknowingly drifted into sleep’s embrace. One moment I was aware, the next I was waking, digging my way toward consciousness like one buried in deep sand.

I opened my eyes a fraction. Moonlight reflected off clouds drifting past my window. Bright as white fire against the night, it stung my eyes. I wanted to close them and surrender to unconsciousness once more. But the clouds were surreal. They called to me and I couldn’t look away. They swirled, danced in the moonlight. A word formed in the spaces between them.

“You”

I blinked to clear my eyes, rubbed them, closed them tight and shook my head to dissipate the mental fog. Surely this was a trick of my weary orbs. I opened them again. It was still there. Brighter. More defined. As if an unseen hand had carved the word out of the shining clouds.

“You”

The clouds held form a beat, then churned and shifted. Wispy tendrils of vapor merging, overlapping, coalescing. Moments later a new word shone, etched in dark relief against the billowing sky.

“Can”

Okay. Now you’ve got my attention. I can what? I knew I was awake. This wasn’t a dream. I glanced at my wife’s sleeping form. Blissful peace upon her visage. I kissed her cheek then looked back to the clouds, eager to receive the rest of my message.

Sliding across one another the clouds mingled anew. When they came to rest the word “Love” shone upon me through the night.

“Love”

Then the clouds paused, as if making sure I understood. I smiled involuntarily. Wind howled, shook my house like a playful child. The clouds whirled, spun, merging and mixing and my word vanished in a wash of moonlight. I waited, watching carefully for more. But nothing came. The sky was done speaking.

I wondered, “You Can Love”. Of course I can love. I do love. I love my work. I love helping others. I love my family, my wife, my life. I love so many things. And then it hit me with the force of an emotional tsunami, the giant wave crashing across my mind. I Can Love More.

Be Patient Kind Forgiving Understanding Accountable Courageous Humble, Love More

I can love the people I’m helping more. I can love my work more. I can love my family, my wife, my children more. I never thought it was possible but now I know it is. I can love more. I can love enough to give my absolute best, my supreme effort every day. And the more I love, the more I open my heart, the more people I’ll reach, empowering them to change.

And That’s What It’s All About. Helping Others!

How does this apply to you?

We All Can Love More.

You can love those in your life more. You can love your family more, your co-workers more, your neighbors more. You can love yourself more. Love yourself and others enough to be the best version of yourself. Give people the benefit of the doubt. That means the person who cut you off in traffic too. Chances are they didn’t mean it. And even if they did, why not love them anyway?

So many people live in a blame based reality, constantly on the lookout for someone who’s at fault for the condition of their lives. They never look in the mirror. They fail to understand that regardless of what happens to them, they always have a choice what they do with it, what meaning they give it.

Blaming Others Isn’t Love.

Love others and yourself enough to accept full accountability for your choices. Love enough to make the changes you must and live the life you desire. By living the life you desire you’ll create positive ripples in our world. Love yourself and others enough to influence the world for good. Make a commitment now to be more loving, to make a difference!

I love you, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you

I’ll close with the Ho’oponopono mantra:

I love you

I’m sorry

Please forgive me

Thank you

 

Love

Roland

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

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Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Forgiveness, Ho'oponopono, Love more, Make a difference, Personal Accountability

Dec 14 2015

Overcoming Depression

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Men are disturbed-quote

Overcoming Depression

Depression is a huge issue. It’s estimated that over 30 Million people suffer with it in the USA alone. Drug companies make billions of dollars on anti-depressant drugs, drugs that can have frightful side-effects, including death.

So, if you suffer with depression, you’re not alone. I used to have chronic depression. I know what it’s like to feel sad, overwhelmed, alone, hopeless. I lived most of my life that way. But then I kicked the habit of depression.

Yes, I said habit.

Depression was my identity by habit. My depression was the result of my focus in life, pure and simple. I’d learned as a child to focus on the negative aspects of life. As I grew, I reinforced this habit until I internalized almost everything I experienced in a negative way. The beauty, the joy, the hope, the love were there. I just couldn’t see them because I’d forgotten how.

I’d also been given strong messages that I was flawed and worthless by people who mattered to me. I believed these messages. My belief in these messages kept me on the lookout for reasons to reinforce them. When you seek evidence of something, especially a belief about your identity, you’ll find it.

Once I learned that I could change my focus, that I have the power to choose my thoughts, that I have the power to choose my life… That’s when everything changed. I took my life in my own hands. I became the captain of my life. That’s when I began experiencing the joy and love I’d denied myself for so many years.

That was over 9 years ago. Let that sink in. That means I’ve consciously lived depression free for over 9 years, without drugs and their side-effects. Depression free by choice. Cool concept isn’t it?

You can do it too.

Sure, I’ve had times when I’ve felt depressed. But I’ve never gone into a depression. When I felt sad or depressed, I understood it was a sign that something was amiss in my life. So I addressed the underlying issue and felt better.

I understand that there are some people who suffer from depression because of physiological issues—including imbalances in their brain chemistry—and some from complex psychological issues. For those people anti-depressants—whether pharmacological or natural in origin—can be a God-send. I also think this is a far smaller segment of the depressed population than we’ve been led to believe.

Disposition to find good-quote

If You’re Suffering From Depression, Here Are a Few Natural Ways to Slay That Dragon:

Get Rest

Your body needs between 6 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. When you go too long without enough rest, depression can follow.

Exercise

Physical exertion releases endorphins. Endorphins are natural chemicals that lift your mood. Exercise at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes.

Examine Your thoughts.

Are you focusing on negative or positive things? Every time you notice yourself having a negative thought, shift your focus and think of the positive side of the situation. Download my Cognitive Thinking Process worksheet to help you learn how to effectively shift your focus. http://bit.ly/CognitiveThinking

Count Your Blessings

Feeling gratitude shifts your attention from what’s wrong to what’s right! Also, it’s impossible to feel grateful and depressed at the same time. The two emotions cannot co-exist simultaneously. For more information on how to use gratitude in your life, click this link: http://www.rolandbyrd.co/the-true-power-of-gratitude/

Change Your Identity

Do you label yourself a depressed person? Do you normally tell people, that you trust, that you are depressed or that you suffer from depression? If so, then you’ve integrated depression into your identity.

When a behavior becomes part of your identity your subconscious mind does its best to keep you aligned with that behavior. It doesn’t judge the behavior. It doesn’t ask whether it’s good for you or not. It just thinks, This is the identity I must fulfill. And it fulfills it.

Start thinking of yourself as a happy, optimistic person. Make that your new identity. Give your subconscious mind a new set of orders. When you find yourself acting depressed, ask yourself, “How would a happy, optimistic person act?” Then act that way! Do this every time you find you’re acting or feeling depressed.

This is called acting as if. In this context it’s consciously choosing new behavior that’s healthy when you notice old, unhealthy behavior patterns. Do this long enough and the new, healthy behavior becomes your identity.

Give of Yourself

There’s nothing like giving service to others when it comes to shifting our focus from what we lack to what we have to offer. Giving of ourselves also pulls us out of the myopic view that our problems are bigger than anything else. The only time your problems are bigger than anything else is when your problems are all you’re focusing on.

Many people need help. You can always find someone to help. It doesn’t have to be something huge either. You can start with giving smiles.

Smiles are free. They’re a universal sign of greeting, acceptance, joy, and love. Smiles are contagious. They lift your mood and the mood of others.

You can also offer assistance to your neighbors. Know someone who feels overwhelmed? Offer them some help. Try it, you’ll be amazed at the difference giving makes.

Forgiveness-quote

Forgive Yourself

This is huge. Many of us have done things we wish we hadn’t. Some of these things might have been pretty horrible. Some of them might only be horrible because we’ve made them that way by focusing on them and punishing ourselves.

Regardless of their nature, withholding forgiveness actually keeps us stuck emotionally, spiritually, often physically—when ailments manifest as a result of the stress we’re putting ourselves through.

Often the things we withhold forgiveness for are of our own making. Meaning they’re things we think we should have done differently in the past. Since we’re unhappy with the results we got, we punish ourselves. But punishing ourselves for past mistakes doesn’t help us make better choices now. To make better choices now; we must learn from the past and use those mistakes as a classroom for our future.

Forgiving ourselves doesn’t mean accepting unhealthy behavior, it means fixing what’s wrong, and then moving on with our lives. If you’re still doing the behavior that you’re not forgiving yourself for, get help! Stop that behavior! Then forgive yourself.

 

For more great ways to overcome depression read: Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming Patterns and Behaviors That Hold You Back

 

Always Remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

 

Roland

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Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Change your life, Depression, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Happiness, Subconscious Mind

Jun 17 2015

You’ll Never Cure Hate with Hate

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Stop Hate

Hate is such an ugly thing.

Why is there so much hate in our world? What does it accomplish? Does it make the person who hates feel better? Does it solve any problems? Does it impart social, spiritual, economic, or personal change and growth?

What do you think?

Hatred is bred from many things. It can come from intolerance, sadness, and anger. It can be learned—whole generations on our planet feel hatred toward others only because they were taught to. It can come from lack of empathy—those who fail to understand others sometimes fear them, which can lead to hate if they fail to seek understanding. It often comes from fear; fear of change, fear of harm, fear of the unknown, fear of pain…

No matter where hate’s roots form, the plant they grow is withered and twisted, a blight on life’s light. It sucks joy from life as quickly as the burning sun sucks water from the desert. And none can hate without damaging themselves more than the object of their hatred because to feel hatred for someone, one must repeatedly think of the things they hate about them. They must focus on them with burning anger and stoke those flames daily.

A Warning to those who hate

A Warning to Those Who Hate…It Consumes You, Devouring Love and Joy, Leaving an Empty Shell in the End.

Is that what you want?

Of course not!

Hating another also gives them power over you because you’ll find yourself shaping your life and actions based on decisions born of hatred… And answering hatred with hatred is no answer at all. That destroys both parties.

Imagine this, hate is like a stone. When you answer hate with hate it’s like slamming two stones against each other. What happens? They chip or shatter.

Love is like water. When you throw the stone of hate into the water of love it sinks. Sure it splashes and breaks the surface, but then it sinks and the surface heals. In the end the water of love is undamaged and it embraces the stone of hate. It surrounds the stone of hate and wears it away. Given enough time the stone is gone and the waters of love flow on.

Love and Forgiveness

Think of this: Gandhi changed the world with love. Mother Theresa changed the world with love. Martin Luther King changed the world with love. And so have many others, perhaps not on such a grand scale, but they changed it nonetheless.

Sure, they may have hated how something was, but they didn’t focus on that. They used their feelings of disquiet and angst to fuel their desire to have a positive impact on the world. They focused on changing the world through love.

The only antidote for hate is love.

What are you going to do?

You are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Life 180 University: Get Your Mind Right & Your Body Will Follow
Life 180 University
You’ll Never Cure Hate with Hate
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Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Change, Choice, Develop Empathy, Forgiveness, Happiness, Hate, Love

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