• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Roland Byrd

Mind & Body Fitness Coach

  • Speaker
  • Author
  • Blog
  • My Story
  • Consultation

Gratitude

Jul 27 2017

How to Recognize When You’re Emotionally Triggered and What to Do About It

Share

Have you ever been emotionally triggered?

So… You’re Emotionally Triggered

Have you ever had one of those moments when something happens that triggers a powerful emotional response? We don’t always know the roots of these visceral reactions. And we don’t necessarily need to. But we do have to keep our heads.

I had one of those reactions the other evening. Understand, I’ve had years of training in managing my emotions. I meditate almost every day. And I still flipped into an instant fight or flight reflex. But I kept my head—that’s where all of the training really pays off.

I was at the dinner table with my family. We’d finished eating and my younger children were goofing off a little. I was talking to my wife intently when, WHAM! Something slammed into the table right next to me, startling me. But it didn’t just startle me. It scared me. I was instantly fight ready because I thought I was being attacked. I spun in my seat and saw my 13 year old son looking at me. Startled by my reaction, his eyes were wide as saucers.

It Was Instant Fight or Flight!

I didn’t know then why I was reacting the way I was. It’s hard to recognize the cause when we’re in the middle of a triggered response. I figured out later; it had to do with childhood trauma, like a PTSD reaction. But at the moment I only knew I was overreacting on a massive scale. And that’s key. I understood that my reaction was way out of proportion to the event. So I got up and went to my room. Then I started meditating.

A few minutes later I heard my wife calling my name. I didn’t want to stop meditating. My reaction had morphed from fight or flight to fury. I could see that I was still hip-deep in over-reaction to the situation but I was working through it. Still, something in her tone compelled me to pause.

I opened the bedroom door and told her where I was and that I was there so I could cool off. She thanked me and then asked me to get rid of a bug that had snuck in the house.

Really? A bug? She was interrupting my meditation for a bug?

As I went downstairs to deal with the bug, my first thought was I’d smash it with my foot. I’d show that creature what happens to uninvited insect interlopers in my home!

But as I came upon the little creature I asked myself, “What did this beetle do to you?” Sure it was in my house. And yes we spray for bugs, so it would have died anyway if it stayed inside. But to smash it in anger? A death sentence for interrupting my mediation? That wasn’t right. It was an innocent bystander or maybe it was a gift, exactly what I needed at the time to put everything in perspective. In either case I scooped the beetle up on some paper, carried it outside, and set it free.

Let there be peace on earth and Let it begin with me

Then I went back upstairs and meditated using Ho’oponopono for about 10 minutes. But this time I was able to quickly calm down. That’s when I saw that my reaction at the table was linked to abuse I’d suffered as a child. That also when I truly understood that my 13 year old son was also an innocent bystander in the situation. He hadn’t meant to startle or scare me. He was just playing around and accidentally knocked a heavy water bottle over on the table. Granted, he smashed it over is more accurate. But it was still a mistake. Besides, even if he had done it deliberately, his behavior never merited my initial reaction. Period.

Ho'oponopono: I love you, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you

I finished meditating, went downstairs, and apologized to my son and family for overreacting. I explained that I’d realized I was overreacting and had left the room so I could calm down.

What Does Getting Triggered Mean?

Let’s take a moment and discuss what it means to get triggered, ways to recognize that you’ve been triggered, and some things you can do to keep your head and get back to normal when it happens.

Getting triggered means your subconscious mind plays an instantaneous, scripted response to a situation. These responses are patterns your subconscious mind stored in answer to painful, traumatic, or otherwise (emotionally or physically) dangerous events in your past. They are pure mental-reflex reactions. When a similar event occurs your subconscious mind fires off what it deems the appropriate pattern for the situation. Think of it as an emotional flash-bang grenade.

The problem is these triggered reactions are almost never appropriate to future events. As soon as your subconscious mind thinks it recognizes the pattern it created the reaction for, it gets launched. As you know, many things have similar parts and still aren’t the same. It’s like saying all sports cars have tires so all vehicles with tires are sports cars. We know that isn’t true consciously but our unconscious mind sees the pattern of tires and says, “I know just what to do when faced with tires!” How ridiculous does that sound?

You understand how damaging triggered reactions can be. But how do we know when we’re having one?

Ways to Recognize You’ve Been Triggered (How do You Know When You Get Triggered?)

If You’re Having a Triggered Response, You might experience one of the following:

  • Feel anger like a flash-fire or become overly emotional
  • Have trouble thinking clearly
  • React without thinking
  • Either want to, or actually behave in a way you normally wouldn’t
  • Say things you’d never normally say
  • Fixate on the person, event, or thing that upset you
  • Feel like you have to get even
  • Feel physically threatened when there’s no actual danger

 

What You Can Do When You Get Triggered:

  • Recognize you’re overreacting
  • If appropriate, tell the people involved that you know you’re overreacting
  • Leave the situation
    • If appropriate, come back when you’ve calmed down
  • Take a few deep breaths
  • Ask yourself, “What else could this mean?”
  • Use Ho’oponopono on the feelings you’re having
  • Avoid making major life decisions
  • Never harm yourself or others
  • Never discipline when you’re in the middle of a triggered reaction

 

For more ideas on breaking patterns in your life read: Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming Patterns and Behaviors That Hold You Back

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Share

Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Emotional Triggers, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Ho'oponopono

Nov 23 2016

What Are You Grateful For?

Share

Before I learned the Power of Gratitude, I used to dread the holidays

Are You Grateful?

I used to dread the holidays. For many people they are a time of great rejoicing. For me they were a time of great depression, anxiety, and despair. They were an extended reminder of the things I thought I was missing in my life. I later learned the problem wasn’t the holidays. The problem was within me. The problem was where I was looking, the negative soundtrack in my head, and the feelings I entertained. Understand, I’d had a lifetime creating a negative-feedback loop in my mind and I saw it escalate every year between October and January.

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever watched your life and wondered why things weren’t working out? Or heard the discord of negative thoughts and emotions spin out of control during the holidays?

It’s exhausting and can be debilitating.

But I broke the cycle. I learned the power of thoughts, that we always have a choice what thoughts we focus on, entertain, and listen to. I also learned about Gratitude—the secret weapon against despair.

Gratitude replaces negative emotions. It fills us with hope and opens our eyes to the beauty of life.

Gratitude replaces negative emotions. It fills us with hope and opens our eyes to the beauty of life. And life is beautiful. Life is an intricate tapestry of emotions, experiences, thoughts, and people woven into the pattern of our choosing.

We get to choose what life means. No matter what happens, no matter where we are, how bad we think we have it, or what we’re going through, we always have the choice what life means to us.

Deepak Chopra says, “The meaning of the event is the event.”

And it’s true. The same thing can happen to three different people and all of them can come away with a different experience because all of them filter the event through their life-lens.

If you’re suffering from depression during the holidays, then perhaps your lens is dirty. Try cleaning it with a healthy dose of gratitude!

How to Start a Gratitude Habit

When I started learning the power of gratitude I kept a daily gratitude journal. Every morning I’d write ten to twenty things I was grateful for. Why? This helps train your mind to look for and find the positive in situations. It also helps you understand that there are always things to feel grateful for because you’re opening your eyes, ears, and heart to the gifts in your life.

I know this can seem difficult if you’re embedded in depression but I promise, if you look, you’ll discover things to feel grateful for.

Let’s get started. Take a piece of paper and write, “I’m grateful for _____________” and put the first things that comes to mind in the blank. It can be as simple as, “I’m grateful for my shoes!” Or, “I’m grateful for my skin!” List anything you feel grateful for. Once you get in the habit, you’ll realize that you can feel gratitude for everything in your life.

I’ll Start a List to Show You How Easy It Is!

  • I’m grateful for my life!
  • I’m grateful for my family!
  • I’m grateful for my beautiful wife!
  • I’m grateful for my amazing children!
  • I’m grateful for the air I breathe!
  • I’m grateful for the sun and the moon and the stars!
  • I’m grateful for the beauty of our world!
  • I’m grateful for the oceans!
  • I’m grateful for hope!
  • I’m grateful for my health!
  • Most of all, I’m grateful for you!

What are You Grateful For?

Always Remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

#Gratitude #Depression #Holidays #Habit #SelfHelp

Life 180 University: Get Your Mind Right & Your Body Will Follow
Life 180 University
What Are You Grateful For?
Loading
00:00 / 4:34
Apple Podcasts Google Podcasts iTunes
RSS Feed
Share
Link
Embed

Download file | Play in new window | Duration: 4:34

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | iTunes

Share

Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Depression, Gratitude, Holidays, Power of Thought, Success

Dec 25 2015

Merry Christmas!

Share

Have a Wonderful Holiday Season!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Gift yourself the time to express gratitude this holiday season.

Gift yourself the beauty of serving others.

Gift yourself the joy of life!

And always remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Share

Written by Roland · Categorized: Uncategorized · Tagged: Gratitude, Happiness, Success Mentality

Dec 14 2015

Overcoming Depression

Share

Men are disturbed-quote

Overcoming Depression

Depression is a huge issue. It’s estimated that over 30 Million people suffer with it in the USA alone. Drug companies make billions of dollars on anti-depressant drugs, drugs that can have frightful side-effects, including death.

So, if you suffer with depression, you’re not alone. I used to have chronic depression. I know what it’s like to feel sad, overwhelmed, alone, hopeless. I lived most of my life that way. But then I kicked the habit of depression.

Yes, I said habit.

Depression was my identity by habit. My depression was the result of my focus in life, pure and simple. I’d learned as a child to focus on the negative aspects of life. As I grew, I reinforced this habit until I internalized almost everything I experienced in a negative way. The beauty, the joy, the hope, the love were there. I just couldn’t see them because I’d forgotten how.

I’d also been given strong messages that I was flawed and worthless by people who mattered to me. I believed these messages. My belief in these messages kept me on the lookout for reasons to reinforce them. When you seek evidence of something, especially a belief about your identity, you’ll find it.

Once I learned that I could change my focus, that I have the power to choose my thoughts, that I have the power to choose my life… That’s when everything changed. I took my life in my own hands. I became the captain of my life. That’s when I began experiencing the joy and love I’d denied myself for so many years.

That was over 9 years ago. Let that sink in. That means I’ve consciously lived depression free for over 9 years, without drugs and their side-effects. Depression free by choice. Cool concept isn’t it?

You can do it too.

Sure, I’ve had times when I’ve felt depressed. But I’ve never gone into a depression. When I felt sad or depressed, I understood it was a sign that something was amiss in my life. So I addressed the underlying issue and felt better.

I understand that there are some people who suffer from depression because of physiological issues—including imbalances in their brain chemistry—and some from complex psychological issues. For those people anti-depressants—whether pharmacological or natural in origin—can be a God-send. I also think this is a far smaller segment of the depressed population than we’ve been led to believe.

Disposition to find good-quote

If You’re Suffering From Depression, Here Are a Few Natural Ways to Slay That Dragon:

Get Rest

Your body needs between 6 to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. When you go too long without enough rest, depression can follow.

Exercise

Physical exertion releases endorphins. Endorphins are natural chemicals that lift your mood. Exercise at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes.

Examine Your thoughts.

Are you focusing on negative or positive things? Every time you notice yourself having a negative thought, shift your focus and think of the positive side of the situation. Download my Cognitive Thinking Process worksheet to help you learn how to effectively shift your focus. http://bit.ly/CognitiveThinking

Count Your Blessings

Feeling gratitude shifts your attention from what’s wrong to what’s right! Also, it’s impossible to feel grateful and depressed at the same time. The two emotions cannot co-exist simultaneously. For more information on how to use gratitude in your life, click this link: http://www.rolandbyrd.co/the-true-power-of-gratitude/

Change Your Identity

Do you label yourself a depressed person? Do you normally tell people, that you trust, that you are depressed or that you suffer from depression? If so, then you’ve integrated depression into your identity.

When a behavior becomes part of your identity your subconscious mind does its best to keep you aligned with that behavior. It doesn’t judge the behavior. It doesn’t ask whether it’s good for you or not. It just thinks, This is the identity I must fulfill. And it fulfills it.

Start thinking of yourself as a happy, optimistic person. Make that your new identity. Give your subconscious mind a new set of orders. When you find yourself acting depressed, ask yourself, “How would a happy, optimistic person act?” Then act that way! Do this every time you find you’re acting or feeling depressed.

This is called acting as if. In this context it’s consciously choosing new behavior that’s healthy when you notice old, unhealthy behavior patterns. Do this long enough and the new, healthy behavior becomes your identity.

Give of Yourself

There’s nothing like giving service to others when it comes to shifting our focus from what we lack to what we have to offer. Giving of ourselves also pulls us out of the myopic view that our problems are bigger than anything else. The only time your problems are bigger than anything else is when your problems are all you’re focusing on.

Many people need help. You can always find someone to help. It doesn’t have to be something huge either. You can start with giving smiles.

Smiles are free. They’re a universal sign of greeting, acceptance, joy, and love. Smiles are contagious. They lift your mood and the mood of others.

You can also offer assistance to your neighbors. Know someone who feels overwhelmed? Offer them some help. Try it, you’ll be amazed at the difference giving makes.

Forgiveness-quote

Forgive Yourself

This is huge. Many of us have done things we wish we hadn’t. Some of these things might have been pretty horrible. Some of them might only be horrible because we’ve made them that way by focusing on them and punishing ourselves.

Regardless of their nature, withholding forgiveness actually keeps us stuck emotionally, spiritually, often physically—when ailments manifest as a result of the stress we’re putting ourselves through.

Often the things we withhold forgiveness for are of our own making. Meaning they’re things we think we should have done differently in the past. Since we’re unhappy with the results we got, we punish ourselves. But punishing ourselves for past mistakes doesn’t help us make better choices now. To make better choices now; we must learn from the past and use those mistakes as a classroom for our future.

Forgiving ourselves doesn’t mean accepting unhealthy behavior, it means fixing what’s wrong, and then moving on with our lives. If you’re still doing the behavior that you’re not forgiving yourself for, get help! Stop that behavior! Then forgive yourself.

 

For more great ways to overcome depression read: Break Your Mold: The Art of Overcoming Patterns and Behaviors That Hold You Back

 

Always Remember:

You Are The Master of Your Destiny!

 

Roland

Share

Written by Roland · Categorized: Personal Development, Transformational · Tagged: Change your life, Depression, Forgiveness, Gratitude, Happiness, Subconscious Mind

Mar 15 2014

Is it Hard to Be Happy?

Share

It’s Hard to Be Happy..?

I’ve been listening to an audio book. And while I appreciate and agree with most of what the author says, I did a triple-take when he said that it’s very hard to be happy because there are a lot of things you must do to feel happy.

I disagree wholeheartedly with that stance.

One of the things I’ve learned on my path, which has been very rocky at times, is that happiness is a choice. And to me, it’s an easy choice.

Yes, Happiness is Easy!

It’s as simple as this: Find joy in the way your life is right now. That means think of the things that are how you want them to be. Think of the things you’re grateful for. Think of the beauty of each moment as it happens. Live in the present instead of anchored to the past or searching for the future.

The only time you’ll truly feel unhappy is when you’re focusing on things that aren’t how you want them to be.

  • If you were abandoned by a parent and you spend a lot of time thinking about how unfair that is, then you’ll feel unhappy.
  • If you’re single and you constantly think of how you wish someone was in your life, you’ll feel unhappy.
  • If you’re out of work and you keep thinking about how horrible that is, then you’ll feel unhappy.
  • If you were injured or have a disability and think about all the things you could do if your body worked perfectly, then you’ll feel unhappy.

Those are just a few examples of things you could choose to feel unhappy about. But the important thing to understand is that while feeling sad is natural at times, wallowing in sadness isn’t. Wallowing in sadness is like complaining that a cactus is hurting you while squeezing it harder and harder…

So if you’re feeling sad, thank the feeling for the message it’s giving you because it’s an action signal—a signal that you must take action! Then ask yourself what you can do to either change the situation or how you feel about the situation.

You MIGHT:

  • Meditate and send thanks to the parent who abandoned you—for giving you life.
  • Join clubs, organizations, or participate in activities where you might meet someone with similar interests and hobbies.
  • Print up a resume, dress nicely, and hand deliver your resume to 5 to 10 different business a day. Then check back in with the ones who seem interested about once a week. You’ll land a job in no time. (I’ve done this in the past and it not only works, it gives a great first impression to employers.)
  • Think of all the things you can do. If possible, find ways of exercising that increase your flexibility and mobility. Feel gratitude for the fact that you have a fully functioning mind.
  • Make a gratitude list. This is one of my personal favorites! Just take a minute and write down at least 10 things you’re grateful for. It does wonders to shift your mood.
  • You can even go sit in nature and bask in its beauty for a while. Or sit under the stars and feel awestruck at the fact that your body is made of the same elements as those distant lights twinkling in the heavens.

No matter what your situation there is always something you can do to shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. That means there’s always some action you can take to help you focus on happiness.

That’s right, You Can Always Choose Happiness!

Because…
You are The Master of Your Destiny!

Roland

Copyright © 2014 Roland Byrd — All Rights Reserved

Share

Written by Roland · Categorized: Motivational · Tagged: Be Happy, Choice, Depression, Enjoy Life, Gratitude, Happiness, Life by Design, Sadness, Take Action

  • Page 1
  • Page 2
  • Page 3
  • Go to Next Page »

© Copyright 2009 - 2026 Roland Byrd · All Rights Reserved

Double Your Motivation to Exercise!

Do You Struggle Feeling Motivated to Exercise? 

Sign Up For Our Free Video Training And EASILY DOUBLE YOUR MOTIVATION!
Invalid email address
You can unsubscribe at any time
Thanks for subscribing!